In today’s interconnected world, the quest for validation can often feel like a never-ending marathon. Whether it’s chasing ‘likes’ on social media, the nod of affirmation in professional settings, or even the subtle hunt for acknowledgment in personal relationships, way too many of us — particularly women! — find ourselves trapped in a cycle of constantly seeking approval from others. But what if you could break free from this cycle and cultivate a more authentic and self-reliant sense of self-worth? What if you could stop seeking approval from other people and instead give yourself all the validation you need?
1. Know thyself.
Before you can stop seeking approval from others, you need a firm grasp on who you are. Spend time reflecting on your values, passions, and aspirations. Dive deep into personal journaling or introspective practices like meditation. The more you know and appreciate about yourself, the less you’ll rely on others to define your worth.
2. Recognize the approval trap and don’t get sucked in by it.
Let’s chat about that little rush you get when someone compliments you—it feels great, right? But over time, you might start chasing that high, shaping your actions around it. Start to notice when you’re making decisions purely for validation. By spotting the pattern, you can consciously begin to shift it.
3. Set personal boundaries and hold people to it.
Just as you would set boundaries in relationships to prevent overstepping, it’s essential to set emotional boundaries. This means deciding what you will and won’t accept from others and, more importantly, from yourself. These boundaries will act as protective barriers against external influences that might sway your self-worth.
4. Seek internal validation (because that’s the kind that matters).
Instead of waiting for someone else to give you a pat on the back, start doing it for yourself. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Create personal rituals or rewards that honor your efforts. When you start recognizing your value, you lessen the need for others to do it for you.
5. Limit social media time.
We live in a world dominated by ‘likes,’ comments, and followers. While these platforms can be great for connection, they can also feed into the approval-seeking behavior. Consider taking breaks from social media or curating your feed to only include content that uplifts and inspires authenticity.
6. Surround yourself with genuine people.
Keep close to those friends who love and accept you for who you are, not for what you can offer or how you conform to their expectations. These genuine relationships will help reinforce the idea that you are enough just as you are.
7. Understand that you can’t please everyone.
Here’s a secret: No matter how hard you try, there will always be someone who won’t approve of what you do. This is one of the easiest ways to stop seeking approval. And that’s okay! Life isn’t about pleasing everyone; it’s about living true to yourself.
8. Practice self-compassion.
Be your own best friend. When you make mistakes or face criticism, instead of beating yourself up or seeking external validation, offer yourself words of comfort. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer to a dear friend.
9. Prioritize personal growth.
Invest in self-improvement, whether that’s through reading, courses, therapy, or other avenues. As you grow and evolve, you’ll naturally become more confident in your decisions and less reliant on others’ opinions.
10. Reflect on and celebrate past achievements.
Whenever you doubt yourself or crave external validation, look back at your past achievements and challenges you’ve overcome. Use your history as a reminder of your capabilities and worth.
11. Embrace vulnerability.
Brene Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability, often speaks about the power of showing up and being seen. Embracing vulnerability means sharing your true self, even if it’s not “perfect” or what others might want. It’s about authenticity. By being vulnerable, you challenge the need for external validation because you’re valuing your raw, genuine self.
12. Learn the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
Not all feedback from others is meant to bring you down. Learn to differentiate between constructive feedback, which can help you grow, and destructive criticism, which is merely negative. By doing so, you’ll realize that you don’t need to seek approval constantly, but rather value insights that genuinely help you improve.
13. Feel empowered in your decision-making.
Every time you’re about to make a decision, pause and ask, “Am I doing this for myself or because of what others might think?” By consistently checking in with your motivations, you can start to break the pattern of decision-making based on external validation.
14. Create your own personal affirmation.
In order to stop seeking approval from other people, you have to give it to yourself. That’s where self-worth affirmations can come in handy. Craft an affirmation that resonates deeply with your desire to live authentically. It could be something like, “I value and trust my feelings and decisions.” By regularly reciting this affirmation, especially during moments of doubt, you reinforce the idea that your self-worth isn’t tied to others’ approval.
15. Practice gratitude (but not toxic positivity).
Each day, list a few things about yourself that you’re grateful for. This could be a talent, a recent accomplishment, or even something you’ve learned from a challenging experience. By focusing on gratitude, you shift your mindset from seeking external validation to appreciating and valuing your unique journey.
16. Celebrate the small wins.
It’s not just the major milestones that define our journey. The small, day-to-day victories contribute significantly to our sense of self and confidence. Did you tackle a challenging task? Speak up in a meeting? Or maybe resisted the urge to seek approval? Celebrate it! By acknowledging and celebrating these moments, you train your brain to find self-worth from within.
17. Prioritize quality over quantity in relationships.
Often, we seek approval because we want to belong or be liked by many. But it’s far more valuable to have fewer, deeper connections than numerous surface-level ones. Focus on cultivating relationships where mutual respect, understanding, and authenticity are at the forefront. In such environments, you’ll naturally feel less need to seek validation because you’re inherently valued.
18. Rediscover your childhood passions.
iStock/Martinns
Remember the times when you did things purely for the joy of it, without any care for judgment? Reconnect with those activities or hobbies. Whether it’s painting, dancing, reading, or building something, immersing yourself in these passions can be a potent reminder of who you are at your core. It fosters a sense of identity that’s independent of external opinions.
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