You meet a guy you like and you keep dropping hints that you’re into him. You flirt, laugh at his jokes, touch his arm… and nada. He seems totally oblivious to your attempt at seduction, but you’re pretty sure he doesn’t think you’re an ogre. Luckily, you don’t need to wait around for him to make a move. Here’s how to ask for a guy’s number and why you should if you like him.
How to ask a guy for his number
- Keep the request casual. Don’t build it up to the point that it’s awkward or over-the-top. You’re just trying to ask a guy for his number, not his hand in marriage. Something simple like, “Hey, we should exchange numbers! It would be fun to hang out sometime” is good. Or, you could say, “We have so much in common. Can I have your number so we can continue this chat?”
- Make up an excuse. If you really do feel weird about it, you could always make up a reason you need his number. For instance, depending on the circumstances, you might tell him you have to have his number so you can forward him an article you were talking about. Or, maybe you were telling him about a job opportunity or something he could get for free. You just need his number to text him about it later.
- Get creative. There’s no reason you shouldn’t show off your sense of humor when you ask a guy for his number. Make a corny joke out of it, even. Tell him there’s something weird on your phone and hand it to him. Then say, “Your number’s not in it!” If he doesn’t laugh, you don’t want his number anyway.
- Be blunt. If you’re self-assured and have balls of steel, just come out with it. “Can I have your number?” is simple, straightforward, and ultimately what you want. He may find it really hot that you feel empowered enough to go after what you want. What do you have to lose?
- Don’t overthink it. At the end of the day, this isn’t rocket science. It’s also not make or break. You’ve probably turned down a guy before, and he lived to tell the tale. If you do make a move on this guy and he’s not feeling it, what’s the big deal? There are plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. You’ll be fine.
What to do if he says no
Awkward! Admittedly, it really sucks when you put yourself out there for someone and find out that your feelings aren’t reciprocated. However, you’re not in elementary school. No one’s going to start pointing and laughing at you because you decided to ask a guy for his number and he turned you down. Here’s how to handle it like a pro.
- Play it cool. You might feel like breaking down in tears and running out of the room at tough speed. Being turned down can be embarrassing at best and horrifying at worst, but the last thing you want to do is make a scene. Take the rejection in your stride. Reply with something like, “Ah, no biggie. Just thought I’d ask!” or something else that’s casual and relaxed. It’ll make things way less awkward for both of you.
- Don’t just cut the conversation off immediately — keep things flowing. How obnoxious is it when a guy makes a move on you, you turn him down, and suddenly he’s not interested in acknowledging you anymore? Don’t be that person. If the conversation was that great, continue it! It doesn’t have to end just because he doesn’t want to date you.
- Shift your focus. When you ask for a guy’s phone number, it’s because you see him as a potential boyfriend. Why is that? You likely have tons in common and feel drawn to him. Just because you’re not going to end up in a romantic relationship doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. If he was good enough to date, he should be good enough to have in your life platonically.
- Don’t take it personally. Easier said than done, of course, but it’s possible. Everyone doesn’t like everyone else sometimes. We all have our own personal tastes and preferences. Just because he turned you down when you asked for his number doesn’t mean you’re lacking in any way. You’re just not for him, and that’s fair enough. Your self-worth shouldn’t depend on a man’s opinion of you.
- Applaud yourself for taking a chance. It takes a whole lotta gumption to make the first move. Yes, even in the 21st century. The fact that you went for it shows how brave you are, and that deserves recognition. Give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it.
Why you shouldn’t hesitate to make the first move
- Nothing ventured, nothing gained. While it sucks that things aren’t going to work out with this guy, you never know if you don’t try. You’d still be sitting around wondering what could have been if you didn’t go for it. Again, you’re the master of your own fate, and you have to go out and get what you want.
- Some guys really appreciate the effort. As flattering as it is when guys approach you, they like a bit of attention too. However the situation turns out, he’ll likely appreciate that you went out on a limb. Besides, it’s generally pretty rare for men to be the ones being approached. It shouldn’t be, but it is.
- Expecting men to make the first move is outdated and reductive. Besides the fact that many men are oblivious to actual flirting cues, it’s also not fair that they should have to ask us out all the time. We bang on about equality and being modern women, so we should put our money where our mouth is.
- You go after the things you want in life. How is this different? If you want a new job, you go for it. If you set a goal to learn how to skateboard or speak French, you work towards that as well. How is deciding to ask for a guy’s number any different? It’s equally important in love as it is in life in general.
- Deciding to ask a guy for his number isn’t really a big deal. Like, really. If things don’t work out, you probably won’t even remember this dude in a few months’ time. Besides, you owe it to yourself to give it a try.