How To Cope When Your Boyfriend Is A Flirt

How To Cope When Your Boyfriend Is A Flirt iStock

You’re in a committed relationship with your boyfriend, but that hasn’t affected his desperate need to flirt with every woman who crosses his path. Maybe it’s a natural part of his personality or simply one of the behaviors he’s carried over from his single days. Either way, you need to know what to do about it before it destroys your relationship. Here are some suggestions.

  1. Asses whether he has a flirty personality or he’s seeking female attention. If your boyfriend is gregarious with everyone, it might just be who he is. If he’s only nice to hot girls, there might be an issue. Some people are just naturally flirty, and while it’s not necessarily pleasant to deal with when it’s your partner, it doesn’t necessarily indicate a serious problem.
  2. Don’t automatically assume that he’s trying to cheat on you. Your boyfriend being a flirt might have nothing to do with you. That means he’s likely not using it as a way to find another woman to be unfaithful with. Unless you have proof to the contrary, don’t make assumptions like this.
  3. Be vocal about your feelings. Being with a flirty guy and not communicating about the state of your relationship, what’s happening in it, and how you’re feeling about it is just asking for trouble. Be upfront about what’s going on in your head and heart. If he cares about you, he’ll want to know.
  4. Make friends with his friends. If your boyfriend is super close to a bunch of women, it might make more sense for you to act normal and befriend them instead of letting your jealousy get in the way of potential friendships. Isolating yourself can be a form of fit throwing and you’re no baby.
  5. Put your foot down when you’re uncomfortable. You can’t force a guy to change his personality type (nor should you want to), but he should want to make the girl he’s taking home tonight happy more than anything else.
  6. Expand your own world. Hey, you’re allowed to talk to other people too, right? Don’t flirt on purpose, but don’t stress over what your boyfriend thinks about your friendships, either.
  7. Get right with your own emotions. A flirty boyfriend might test your confidence levels, but remaining calm is usually the best way to determine whether a freak-out is in order or not. Hang on to your own dignity and self-respect and avoid making a scene. Take the high road!
  8. Work on the foundation of your relationship. When the foundation of a relationship is strong, all that surface-level stuff matters a whole lot less. Are things great when you’re alone? That’s the first thing to get in order.
  9. Realize if the foundation isn’t there. If you’re trying to work on your foundation and it’s not going anywhere, then maybe the relationship isn’t, either. You need to be honest with yourself and with one another about it.
  10. Keep a sense of humor. This guy is practically like a standup comedian with his charming and charismatic nature. It’s sort of entertaining, right? And hey, that personality is likely what attracted you in the first place, so you can’t hold it against him now.
  11. Don’t demand that he change overnight. Expressing your feelings is one thing, but giving that kind of an ultimatum doesn’t usually work out in your favor. You can’t tell your boyfriend to never flirt again if that’s his personality. However, you can ask for him to work on certain behaviors that make you upset or uncomfortable.
  12. Trust him. If he hasn’t given you any real reasons not to trust him besides being flirty, then just trust him. Distrust can cause more problems in the meantime. If something happens, you’re out of there, but relax instead of expecting a terrible outcome.
  13. Don’t be totally naive. Trust him, yes, but don’t overlook glaringly obvious signs that he’s disrespecting you or trying to make a real move on someone else. If the signs are there that something shady is going on, listen to your gut.
  14. Enjoy it. A flirty guy can be pretty popular and often has a lot of admirers. As long as he’s true to you, go ahead and enjoy the attention! It means you’ve got an interesting man by your side.
  15. Get out if you hate it. If you really can’t deal, do you both a favor and find a non-flirty guy to date. Both of you will be much better off that way.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog