How To Deal With Being A Disappointment To Your Parents

How To Deal With Being A Disappointment To Your Parents

Sometimes it feels like nothing you do is ever good enough for your parents. You work hard, but they always focus on what you haven’t achieved. You follow your passions, but they wish you’d chosen a different path. That constant feeling of not measuring up sucks, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s how to break free from that pressure and stop letting their opinions define your worth.

1. Acknowledge how you’re feeling.

provided by Shutterstock

Feeling hurt, angry, or frustrated is totally normal, and bottling up your emotions only makes things worse. Find healthy ways to express how you feel – journaling, talking to a trusted friend, even a good cry session. It might hurt now, but processing your emotions is a step towards healing.

2. Separate your parents’ feelings from yours.

provided by Shutterstock

It’s really tough when you feel like your parents are constantly disappointed in you. But here’s the thing: their disappointment isn’t your burden to carry. You can’t control their happiness or how they react to your choices. It’s time to remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to their approval. They might not always see it, but you’re awesome. Their negativity says more about them than it does about you.

3. Ask yourself, “Is this really about me?”

provided by Shutterstock

Sometimes parents project their own insecurities or unfulfilled dreams onto their kids. Try to look at the big picture here. Their disappointment might have less to do with you and more to do with them. Understanding this can help you take their criticism less personally.

4. Try to have an honest conversation with your parents.

provided by iStock

If you feel safe and comfortable enough, an open, honest conversation with your parents might help. Try to calmly understand where their disappointment is coming from, and then share how their words make you feel. Use “I feel…” statements to explain where you’re coming from without making them feel attacked. It’s possible this kind of conversation could clear the air, even if you still don’t agree on everything.

5. Find support from other people you trust.

provided by iStock

Dealing with difficult parents is heavy stuff. Don’t try to handle it all alone! Find someone you trust – a good friend, a therapist, or anyone who can listen without judgment and offer support. Sometimes talking things through with an outside perspective can make a world of difference and help you figure out the best way to handle the situation.

6. Focus on your own growth.

provided by iStock

What goals and values are important to YOU? Channel your energy into personal development, not an unattainable version of yourself created to please other people (especially not your parents). Building your own life on your own terms is incredibly empowering.

7. See if you can find common ground.

provided by iStock

Is there anything your parents want for you that maybe you kind of want for yourself too? Even if it’s a small thing, finding some common ground might ease some tension and help you feel like they actually understand you at least a little bit. Sometimes that tiny bit of agreement can be a starting point to build from.

8. Figure out if there vision is even realistic.

provided by iStock

Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to please them that we forget to check if what they want is even realistic. It’s totally okay if your dreams look different from theirs. Give yourself permission to be honest about what you truly want, and don’t feel guilty for wanting different things.

9. Set some serious boundaries.

provided by iStock

You have the right to make your own choices, even if your parents disapprove. Respectfully but firmly set boundaries around what topics are off-limits and how much criticism you’ll tolerate. Protecting your mental health is a priority.

10. Settle for acceptance when change isn’t possible.

blonde woman serious looking at camera

provided by iStock

As much as it sucks, you might have to accept that you can’t completely change how your parents think. That realization hurts, but it’s also pretty freeing. Instead of constantly trying to win them over, focus on what you can control – how you react to their negativity and the choices you make for your own life.

11. Give yourself a bit more credit.

hipster guy in beanie on city street
provided by iStock

It’s way too easy to let your parents’ negativity shrink your accomplishments in your own mind. Don’t fall into that trap! Take some time to make a list of all the amazing things about yourself – your talents, your achievements, big and small. Celebrate those wins, even if your parents don’t. You deserve to feel proud of who you are and the awesome things you do.

12. Prioritize your own happiness.

man with striped shirt looking serious
provided by iStock

Trying to constantly make your parents happy while ignoring your own needs is a recipe for burnout. It’s okay to choose a life that feels right for YOU, even if it makes them grumpy. Remember, at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with your choices. Prioritize your own happiness and fulfillment – you deserve it!

13. Build your chosen family.

serious man sitting on table

provided by iStock

Surround yourself with people who believe in you and celebrate your choices. Chosen family can be just as important (sometimes even more so) than biological ones. Find your people who lift you up and see your true potential.

14. Consider a bit of distance, even temporarily.

Shot of serious young woman looking through the window while drinking coffee on the sofa at home.

provided by iStock

If the negativity is severely affecting your mental health, taking some space from your parents might be necessary. Distance can sometimes allow for better perspective on both sides. Sometimes a break can lead to healthier relationships in the long run.

15. Remember that you’re not alone.

serious woman looking straight ahead

provided by iStock

Countless people struggle with feeling like they’ve disappointed their parents. You are worthy of love and acceptance, with or without their approval. You’re not a disappointment; you are a whole, complex person simply trying to navigate life.

Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!

Sinitta Weston grew up in Edinburgh but moved to Sydney, Australia to for college and never came back. She works as a chemical engineer during the day and at night, she writes articles about love and relationships. She's her friends' go-to for dating advice (though she struggles to take the same advice herself). Her INFJ personality makes her extra sensitive to others' feelings and this allows her to help people through tough times with ease. Hopefully, her articles can do that for you.