Honesty Is Always The Best Policy In Dating, No Matter How Awkward It Makes Things

When I first meet someone, I’m always upfront and honest when it comes to what I think the other person should know about me. Sadly, not everyone always agrees with this policy, believing that it can cause drama and unnecessary rifts between people. That being said, there’s actually a lot of good that can come from being honest in the dating realm. Here are the biggest reasons why you shouldn’t fib and honesty is the best policy.

  1. If you’re hiding a dealbreaker, you’re delaying an inevitable breakup. I used to be very promiscuous back in the day, and when I date someone, I tell them that upfront. Most guys are alright with my past history, but some legitimately freak out. If they freak out, I usually cancel the date, knowing that this guy sees a woman who got more action than him as a dealbreaker, whether he wants to admit it or not.
  2. He’ll respect you more. When you lie by omission, or when you fib about something in the dating world, it will eventually come out. When he realizes you’ve lied, he won’t respect you as much. Over the long haul, being honest about what you’re all about, what you want, and where you’ve been will make guys respect you as a straight shooter.
  3. It makes you accept yourself more. One thing I’ve noticed is that hiding aspects of myself always ate away at my self-esteem, which is why I no longer bother doing it. Being blunt makes me feel good about myself because I know I’m not lying to myself to conform to somebody else’s standards. Chances are, you might end up feeling the same way once you get used to it.
  4. You’ll get what you want more often. If you’re looking for a relationship, tell him. If you’re looking for a fling, be blunt about it. Either way, at least men know what page you’re on with them, and at times, that’ll actually lead to things going the way that you want them to go. And if a guy knows what you want and still doesn’t care, you know he’s a jackass worth dumping.
  5. Being open and honest nips drama and suspicion in the bud. If you have guy friends but make it seem like you only hang out with your girls, your man will become suspicious once the truth comes out. By telling your boyfriend what you’re up to, who you hang out with, and what you do in your day-to-day, you’re establishing a good, trusting relationship. Lying about your whereabouts will only lead to relationship disaster.
  6. Honesty upfront makes tough discussions easier to deal with. Did you ever notice how stressful walking on eggshells can be? We all have that instinct to be people pleasers, and at times, it can be very tempting to lie and say that everything is okay when it really isn’t. The problem with this is that it often sets a certain precedent, so we’ll lie hoping that somehow, everything will be alright. The lies build up and turn into resentment. The sooner you learn to confront things head-on, the better off you’ll be.
  7. Your tolerance for manipulation goes out the window. This is something that I’ve noticed about myself, and I have a feeling that it’d happen with others. The more unapologetic and brutally honest I’ve become, especially when it comes to calling out people on their stuff, the less I tolerate people manipulating me, using me, or being rude to me. I may have a reputation for being mean and/or nuts because of it, but at the very least, I’m not a doormat anymore.
  8. He’ll become more aware of your feelings. Most people will clam up or just say that they’re “fine” when they are confronted with a rude, obnoxious person. At times, people don’t even realize that they’re being unreasonable until others speak up. Speaking up will force guys to acknowledge their bad behavior, even if they’re in denial about it.
  9. When you’re honest in online dating, you don’t come off as a creep. Because nothing is quite as creepy as being a 40-year-old man with a 20-year-old’s photo on his dating profile.
  10. Honesty also means that you’ll get out of a date that isn’t good for you fast. Here’s a good tip to remember when you’re cruising on the dating scene: you don’t have to sit through an entire date if the guy’s a total jackass. In fact, some guys actually will claim that being polite enough to deal with him for a full date would constitute as “leading him on.” By being telling him that this isn’t going to work, then walking out the door, you’re being honest with him and getting out away from a nuisance faster than before.
  11. In all truth, there’s very little reason to lie. If people can’t accept the real you, you probably don’t want them in your life, anyway.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.