This is basically the coda for how introverts need to learn how to express your feelings more decisively. It might come naturally to some of us, but there’s a knack for expressing your emotions in a productive way. This is mostly because different situations call for a slightly different approach. It can be difficult to judge which course of action is appropriate. Often, we won’t speak our minds because we fear we’re going to be misinterpreted or shot down. Take a deep breath and read on. I’m here to give you the framework you need to express yourself effectively.
- Know your worth. Sometimes it can feel like it’s easier to put off saying what you mean in the moment by saying that next time you’ll be honest. Or, next time you’ll know what to say and it’ll make sense. But the truth is, if you won’t commit to finding time to sit and figure out what you want to say, you’ll never feel ready. Plus, if you’re always comfortable, you aren’t pushing yourself. You will never feel perfectly prepared to air your feelings and assert yourself, you have to take the risk. By asserting yourself, you are claiming your sense of self. You are committing to taking up space and being visible. Because you know you deserve it.
- You won’t be in trouble. This is something that people who grew up and were constantly in trouble for talking or interrupting have a hard time growing out of. We all have so much to unlearn. Making our problems known doesn’t make us bad employees. Or bad people. We aren’t accepting that we can’t deal with the situation. In fact, it’s the opposite. We’re committing to making ourselves heard and accomodating our needs. It ensures that you can be more productive at work, or more at ease in a relationship. Don’t think it’s a sign of weakness to express your needs. The worst they can do is say no or snub you. You won’t get fired for asking for different hours or a new office chair.
- It’s not a flex to be closed off. It’s a little old fashion now to think that by pretending we have no emotions, we look cooler or more chill. But the truth is, that people who are chill don’t have the same drive to achieve. They are well-liked, sure, but do they succeed? Do they make a personality out of being liked at the expense of making themselves comfortable? All this does is prompt a cycle of internalized stress and self-blame. We all have the power to make ourselves more comfortable, we owe it to ourselves to try.
- You need to get your needs met. You are valid and your needs are important. If you aren’t putting yourself first and speaking your mind, you will burn out. No one is a mind reader. We all need to be told how to serve one another. Even when we think we’re attentive and compassionate.
- Ask. Ask other people how they assert themselves and communicate. These tactics will vary from person to person. You can troubleshoot how you want to go about things in a more efficient way.
- Give people space to do the same in return. Make sure that you aren’t asking for space without giving the same in return. Ensure that you are a good listener and leave your pride at the door. Figure out how to help each other. It establishes a dialogue where we can all support each other.
- Redefine boundaries. If things have changed and made you uncomfortable, there are so many ways you can rescue the relationship. Forget the rules that society puts in place and figure out how to redefine your relationship in a way that makes sense for you.
- Allocate time for reflection. Don’t squeeze therapy into your busy day when you’re not calm and reflective. It won’t work because it will become another chore. Schedule time to identify your needs and wants and how to achieve them. Then you can articulate them with friends and partners. We want proper solutions, not self-hating cycles of blame.
- Research. Do the work yourself. Collect information from friends and online resources and figure out what makes the most sense to you. Don’t waste time and find ways of making a healthy relationship.
There you are, some easy, low-impact ways of improving your life in the long term by establishing better dialogues to express your feelings through.