Ever felt like you woke up one day and your relationship went from “happily ever after” to a toxic soap opera? It happens to the best of us. Toxic relationships can sneak up on you like that suspicious-looking tuna salad in the back of the fridge. But don’t worry, with a little awareness and self-care, you can spot those red flags before they turn into full-blown relationship roadblocks.
1. Know your worth and don’t settle for less.
Repeat after me: “I deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love.” Write it on a sticky note, tattoo it on your arm, or just shout it from the rooftops. Knowing your worth is the first step to avoiding a toxic relationship. When you value yourself, you won’t tolerate behavior that disrespects or devalues you.
2. Trust your gut instincts.
That little voice inside your head? It’s not just your stomach grumbling for more snacks. If something feels off in your relationship, don’t ignore it. Our instincts are often pretty spot-on when it comes to sensing danger, and that includes relationship red flags. If you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, take a step back and assess the situation.
3. Communicate openly and honestly.
Healthy communication is the foundation of any good relationship. If you can’t express your needs, concerns, or feelings without fear of judgment or ridicule, then your relationship is already on shaky ground. Don’t be afraid to speak your truth, even if it might be uncomfortable at first. Remember, a partner who truly cares about you will be willing to listen and work through any issues with you.
4. Pay attention to how they make you feel.
Do you feel energized and happy after spending time with them, or do you feel drained and exhausted? Are you your best self around them, or do you find yourself walking on eggshells, constantly worried about saying or doing the wrong thing? A healthy relationship should lift you up and make you feel good about yourself. If you consistently feel unhappy or insecure, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
5. Set healthy boundaries and stick to them.
Boundaries are like the velvet rope at a fancy club – they define what’s acceptable and what’s not. As Stanford University reminds us, it’s essential to have clear boundaries in your relationship, whether it’s about personal space, communication styles, or even how much time you spend together. Don’t be afraid to say “no” when you need to, and don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.
6. Notice how they treat other people.
How someone treats waiters, family members, or even strangers can tell you a lot about their character. Do they respect and value everyone they meet, or do they act entitled and demeaning? If they treat people like crap, it’s a pretty good bet they’ll eventually treat you poorly too. Remember, actions speak louder than words, so pay attention to their behavior, not just their sweet talk.
7. Don’t ignore red flags.
Red flags are like those flashing warning signs on the highway – they’re there for a reason! Don’t ignore them just because you’re hoping the relationship will magically improve. Common red flags include controlling behavior, jealousy, possessiveness, disrespect, and emotional manipulation. If you see any of these signs, don’t make excuses for them or try to rationalize their behavior. Trust your gut and get out of the situation before it turns toxic.
8. Don’t try to change them.
One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is trying to change their partner. Newsflash: people rarely change, especially if they don’t want to. If you’re constantly trying to “fix” someone or mold them into your ideal partner, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration. Accept them for who they are, flaws and all, or move on to someone who’s a better fit for you.
9. Don’t isolate yourself from friends and family.
Toxic relationships thrive in isolation. Abusers often try to cut you off from your support system so they can have more control over you. Don’t let them. Make sure you maintain healthy relationships with your friends and family, and don’t be afraid to confide in them if you’re having doubts or concerns about your relationship. Having a strong support network can be a lifeline if things start to go south.
10. Prioritize your own needs and well-being.
In any relationship, it’s important to maintain a sense of individuality and prioritize your own needs and well-being. This means taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Don’t neglect your hobbies, passions, or friendships just because you’re in a relationship. Remember, a healthy relationship should enhance your life, not consume it.
11. Be mindful of patterns of behavior.
Toxic behavior rarely occurs in isolation. If you notice a pattern of disrespect, manipulation, or emotional abuse, don’t brush it off as a one-time occurrence. Pay attention to how your partner consistently treats you and other people, and be honest with yourself about whether their behavior is acceptable or not.
12. Don’t be afraid to get help or support.
If you’re unsure whether your relationship is toxic or not, don’t be afraid to ask for help from a therapist, counselor, or trusted friend. They can offer a neutral perspective and help you identify any red flags you might be missing. Remember, there’s no shame in asking for help, and it could be the best thing you ever do for yourself.
13. Learn from your past experiences.
If you’ve been in a toxic relationship before, take some time to reflect on what went wrong and what you can learn from the experience. What red flags did you miss? What boundaries did you fail to set? Use those lessons to empower yourself and make better choices in future relationships, Forbes urges.
14. Love yourself first.
This might sound cliché, but RuPaul never lies: you can’t truly love someone else until you love yourself. When you love yourself, you’ll have a stronger sense of self-worth, healthier boundaries, and a better understanding of what you deserve in a relationship. So, take care of yourself, prioritize your own happiness, and never settle for anything less than the love and respect you deserve.
