Nobody wants to be that person who scrolls through Instagram and sees all their “friends” hanging out without them. You know the feeling: wondering why you’re never in the group chat, why your weekends are suspiciously empty, and why your phone’s only blowing up with spam calls about your car’s extended warranty. More often than not, this is the result of habits and behaviors we might not even realize we’re doing. The good news? These patterns can be changed, and you don’t need to transform into a completely different person to make it happen.
1. Become Better At Listening
Look, we all know that one person who treats every conversation like they’re waiting for their turn to speak. They nod along, but their eyes glaze over the moment someone else starts talking, and suddenly they’re steering every discussion back to their weekend plans or their latest Netflix obsession. If this sounds familiar, don’t beat yourself up—we’ve all been there.
But here’s the game-changer: actual listening isn’t just about staying quiet while someone else talks. It’s about being present enough to catch the small details, remember that their kid has a recital coming up, or that they’re nervous about an upcoming presentation. These are the things that turn acquaintances into friends who want you around.
2. Plan Stuff Once In A While
If you’re always waiting for invites but never extending them, you’re part of the problem. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking everyone else has their social circle figured out and there’s no room for you to take initiative. But sitting around waiting for your phone to buzz with an invitation is about as effective as expecting your crush to read your mind.
Take the plunge and start small—maybe it’s just grabbing coffee with a coworker or organizing a casual dinner at your place. Yes, some people might be busy or say no, but that’s not a reflection on you. The more you put yourself out there as someone who makes things happen, the more likely you are to be included when others are planning things too.
3. Cultivate A Positive Vibe
Nobody’s saying you need to be grinning 24/7, but constant negativity is the fastest way to ensure your social calendar stays empty. As Michigan State University notes, emotions are contagious. Think about the last time you hung out with someone who complained about everything, from the restaurant choice to the weather to their job—not exactly making you eager to plan another hangout, right?
This doesn’t mean you have to suppress your authentic self or never share your struggles. It’s about finding that sweet spot between being real and being someone people actually want to be around. Share your wins, laugh at yourself when things go wrong, and save the deep venting sessions for your closest friends rather than making them your default mode.
4. Show Genuine Interest In Others
Think about the last genuinely great conversation you had. Chances are it wasn’t with someone who just fired off rapid-fire questions like a job interview, but with someone who actually cared about your answers and built on them. The trick isn’t just asking “How are you?” and moving on—it’s remembering that your coworker mentioned they were house hunting and following up about it later, or noticing when someone’s particularly excited about a new hobby.
According to Psychology Today, being genuinely interested means going beyond surface-level chit-chat and really engaging. You don’t have to become best friends with everyone, but showing that you actually retain and care about the details of their lives makes people feel seen and valued—and that’s someone they’ll want to keep having in their social circle.
5. Be Consistently Reliable
Nothing kills social connections faster than being that person who’s always “maybe” coming to things or, worse, the one who bails last minute with a vague excuse. Sure, life happens and sometimes you genuinely can’t make it to things, but if you’re developing a reputation as someone who’s flaky, you’re going to find those invites drying up pretty quickly. People want to include friends they can count on.
The fix isn’t complicated, but it requires commitment: if you say you’ll be somewhere, be there. If you can’t make it, give proper notice and a real reason. And for heaven’s sake, don’t post social media stories of you doing something else when you’ve told people you’re “sick” or “working late.” Trust is like Jenga—pull out too many pieces with unreliability, and the whole thing comes crashing down.
6. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
It’s cozy in your comfort zone. Netflix knows exactly what you like to watch, your cat doesn’t judge your dance moves, and your favorite takeout place has your order memorized. But if you’re always saying no to new experiences because they make you slightly nervous, you’re missing out on countless opportunities to connect with people and create memorable experiences.
This doesn’t mean you need to suddenly become an adrenaline junkie or force yourself into situations that genuinely make you miserable. As PositivePsychology.com notes, you should start small—maybe try that boxing class your colleague keeps raving about, or say yes to that board game night even though you’re “not really a game person.” The more you push yourself to try new things, the more chances you create for meaningful connections.
7. Be Open To Meeting New People
We all have that mental image of our “type” of person—the ones we think we’ll click with based on shared interests or backgrounds. But some of the best friendships come from unexpected places, and if you’re automatically writing people off because they don’t fit your preconceived notion of a potential friend, you’re closing doors before they even open. Plus, you’d be ignoring the many benefits of friendship, one of which is increased longevity, according to the APA.
Give people a chance, even if they’re not who you’d typically gravitate toward. Maybe that person from accounting who’s really into Renaissance Fairs isn’t your usual speed, but they might just introduce you to a whole new social circle and experiences you never knew you’d enjoy. The key is approaching new connections with curiosity rather than judgment.
8. Don’t Make Everything A Competition
Nobody likes hanging out with someone who turns every interaction into a chance to one-up others or prove they’re the best. Whether it’s constantly steering conversations toward your achievements or having to prove you know more about every topic that comes up, competitive behavior in social settings is exhausting for everyone involved.
Learn to celebrate others’ wins without feeling the need to match or exceed them. Share the spotlight, let others be the expert sometimes, and understand that social interactions aren’t a game to be won—they’re experiences to be shared. The moment you stop treating every hangout like competition is the moment people start feeling more comfortable having you around.
9. Read The Room
Being socially aware isn’t just about following basic etiquette—it’s about picking up on the subtle cues that tell you when to push a conversation further and when to let it breathe. If you’re the person who always pushes for deeper discussion when others are trying to keep things light, or the one cracking jokes during serious moments, you’re missing important social signals.
Pay attention to body language, tone of voice, and the general energy of the group. If everyone’s giving short answers and checking their phones, maybe it’s not the best time for your detailed analysis of cryptocurrency trends. Learning to match the room’s vibe doesn’t mean suppressing your personality—it means knowing when and how to express it appropriately.
10. Offer To Help
There’s a big difference between the friend who says “Let me know if you need anything” and disappears and the one who shows up with coffee when you’re moving or offers to pet-sit when you’re overwhelmed. Being helpful doesn’t mean becoming everyone’s personal assistant, but it does mean being proactive about supporting your friends and acquaintances in tangible ways.
The key is offering specific help rather than vague support. Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try “I’m headed to the store—can I pick something up for you?” or “I’ve got a free afternoon this weekend if you need help with that painting project you mentioned.” These concrete offers show you’re not just talking, you’re ready to show up.
11. Learn To Handle Rejection Gracefully
Not every invitation you extend is going to be accepted, and not every social circle is going to be a perfect fit. The way you handle these moments can make the difference between being someone people want to keep including and someone they start avoiding. If someone can’t make it to your thing, or a group doesn’t quite click with your vibe, taking it in stride shows emotional maturity.
Don’t let rejection turn you bitter or make you retreat into your shell. Keep putting yourself out there, keep being open to new connections, and remember that sometimes timing just doesn’t work out. The people who get invited to things regularly aren’t the ones who never face rejection, they’re the ones who don’t let it stop them from trying again.
12. Be The Person You’d Want To Hang Out With
This might sound like a fortune cookie message, but hear me out—the best way to become someone people want to include is to honestly evaluate whether you’d want to hang out with yourself. Would you enjoy being around someone who approaches social situations the way you do? Would you look forward to spending time with someone who contributes to group dynamics the way you do?
Take some time to reflect on your social patterns without judgment. Maybe you’d find yourself exhausting to be around because you never let conversations flow naturally, or maybe you’d find yourself boring because you never share your genuine thoughts and feelings. The goal isn’t to become a completely different person—it’s to be the best version of your authentic self, the kind of person you’d actually want to spend time with.
13. Master The Art Of Following Up
Here’s the thing about following up—there’s a sweet spot between ghosting and becoming that person who triple-texts when they don’t get an immediate response. If someone mentions they’re going through a tough time, shooting them a text a few days later to check in shows you actually care. But it’s not just about the heavy stuff, it’s about maintaining those light connections too.
Think of it like keeping a plant alive—you don’t need to drown it with attention, but you do need to water it regularly. Maybe it’s sharing a meme related to a conversation you had last week, or remembering to ask how their big presentation went. These small moments of connection add up, and they show people you’re invested in the friendship beyond just surface-level interactions.
