When I was a kid, my dad was my best friend. He made me feel loved every day and he gave me everything a kid would ever need from their father… which is why I have daddy issues when it comes to my romantic relationships as an adult.
My dad was a workaholic.
My dad worked hard—a little too hard, to be honest. He always put work first and used to come home late and work on holidays. I know he just wanted to provide for his family and make sure that we are financially OK, and I can only hope to find this kind of commitment in the guy I end up with someday. However, I gravitate towards guys with the same workaholic tendencies now and I’m always battling for more of their time and attention. I feel like somewhere in my subconscious, I’m always trying to prove to my dad that I’m good enough for him to make more time for me.
My dad was far from a disciplinarian.
My mom was the one who raised me, not my dad. She got me up for school, cooked for me, and told me bedtime stories. She was the one who took care of me when I was sick, who helped me with my homework, who set rules and boundaries for me. See, my mom was tough with me and my dad was easy on me. My dad was the fun parent. He played with me, bought me things, and took me places. That was fun, but it made me feel like I can do the same with guys now. I don’t consider myself a manipulative person, but I’ve definitely gotten away with stuff with guys I’m dating.
My dad was emotionally unavailable.
He loved me and all, but I’ve always felt like he kept me at arm’s length. Seeing my male friends express their love and gratitude for their significant others opened my eyes to the fact that being emotionally unavailable isn’t okay, it isn’t healthy, and sadly, it’s abusive. I used to think that it’s normal when a guy doesn’t open up about his feelings. I used to think that it’s normal when my feelings come second in a guy’s life. The scariest thought of them all is that I used to think that being emotionally unavailable means that you have standards.
My dad was broken.
I always associated having a tragic story with being a good family man because of my dad. He had a unique life experience and I’m determined to find someone just like him, someone who suffered and has lost in life because that’s a man worth having. However, I’m starting to realize that there are men out there who have a normal life and they’re good men. I’m starting to realize that being a good person is a choice, not a result of unfortunate events. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I want to be the source of happiness in a man’s life because that’s what I was in my dad’s life. Does that make me a girl with issues? Absolutely! But it also makes me human.
My dad’s death is like a monkey following me around.
When all have baggage. The heaviest item in mine is my father’s death. Losing him made me scared of commitment and full of abandonment issues. When I fall in love, I fall hard. I pour everything I have into the person that I suffocate them. I think it’s my twisted way of not giving things a real chance because I’m terrified of the outcome. At the end of the day, I don’t want to get so close to a guy only to lose him. I never want to feel the way I felt when my dad wasn’t around. Believe me, deep down, I want a guy who stays, a guy who sees me. Ironically, I get involved with almost relationships. Maybe I give my heart to the wrong guys and guard it from the right ones.
My childhood is ruining my future.
I had everything I ever needed as a kid; my parents were around and they loved me unconditionally. That being said, I’m really scared to be happy and feel safe again because it was taken away from me. I have real, deep connections with people in general, but I always feel like it’s just a matter of time until things go south. The relationship I had with one of my parents ended, so it doesn’t surprise me when other relationships I have come to an end
My parents’ marriage was just for me.
Realizing that my parents’ marriage wasn’t perfect after all was a slap to the face. I know it’s ridiculous to think that perfect marriages exist when perfect people don’t. In my world, people who love each other can make it work. No one walks into marriage thinking that they’ll get a divorce or that their partner will die. But that’s not always the case. I saw how my mum struggled on her own, and I hate for that to be my story as well. I want to live a better, easier, and happier life than she did. If I don’t, I’ll feel like I’ve failed her because her struggle would have gone to waste. To me, her pain needs to be a force of change, not an echo of more pain to come.
I’m attracted to men who remind me of my dad.
I search for my dad in other men. I look for his good qualities and yes, I look for his bad qualities too. I find myself being attracted to guys who have similar destructive tenancies to my dad’s. I confuse a man’s irrationality with my dad’s passion for life and his carelessness for my dad’s carefree nature. I always put myself in trouble and feel like crap about it. The funny thing is that I want a man who’s a lot like my dad, but someone who’s the complete opposite at the same time. I always tell myself that I want the better version of my dad. But, maybe I need to expand my horizon.
I like older men.
This is like a basic daddy issue flag. I like men who look mature and well-composed. I find independent men really attractive. Older men make me feel looked after, protected and safe, just like a father would make his daughter feel.
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