I hate to admit it, but my life revolved around my last relationship. When it ended, I didn’t know how to handle the heartbreak but I knew that I didn’t want to lose myself or jump into a new relationship. I wanted to spend time alone so I could get back to my old self again. I stayed single for an entire year and I’m so glad I did—here’s why.
I got to live drama-free.
Don’t get me wrong, dating is fun, but that beginning period sucks. It’s nothing but miscommunication and false hope. I decided to avoid it all. Instead of pulling myself out of bed on Friday nights to flirt with strangers, I stayed in and focused on me. I was already drained from my breakup—I didn’t need any extra drama.
I figured out why it ended.
I’m incredibly needy. When I get attached to someone, they become my everything very quickly. My life starts to revolve around them, which makes me feel insecure and leads to me acting out. I thrive off attention and that doesn’t make me a good partner. My ex wasn’t perfect, but neither was I.
I appreciated my friends more.
My friends and family rallied around me after my break up. They constantly checked on me to make sure I was OK. Honestly, I felt more love during that time than when I was in a relationship. I was able to grow my friendships and put my family first.
I didn’t rebound.
I avoided guys like it was my full-time job. I didn’t go to parties and I definitely wasn’t active on dating apps. Hell, I didn’t even smile at random men I thought were attractive. While that might sound extra, it worked. I didn’t rebound, not once!
I caught up on my sleep.
You’d be surprised by how many restless nights I had in my relationship. Whether we spent the night fighting, partying, or binge-watching Netflix. I was exhausted, so I decided it was time that I caught up on my sleep. I bought an infuser, a silk pillowcase, and LITERALLY lived my best life. It was fantastic.
I got my revenge body.
I love to exercise (yes, I’m one of those people). Working out makes me feel good and I needed that after my relationship ended. So, I went to the gym… a lot. Not an unhealthy amount or anything, but I lost weight in all the right places and felt like Khloe Kardashian after Lamar cheated.
I made a plan to improve.
I decided to stay single so I could stop relying on my partners to make me happy. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes in my next relationship, I wanted to be better. I made a list (yes, with pen and paper) of what I wanted to improve on (my neediness, my indecisive behavior, etc.). Seeing it on paper really helped me. I worked every day to ensure I wouldn’t fall into the same bad habits.
I learned from watching.
I was single, but my friends weren’t. I listened to their dating stories and watched them date a**holes, as well as some really nice guys. It was interesting. I learned more about dating norms and how easy it is to make bad decisions when you have a crush. I lived vicariously through my friends, which helped prepare me.
I focused on the positive.
I spent a lot of time focusing on my negative qualities and because of that, I saw bad things everywhere. After my breakup, I focused on having a positive outlook. I read books on the power of positivity and started reworking my thoughts to create a better existence for myself. My life isn’t perfect, but I can definitely vouch for the whole “positive thoughts equal positive outcomes” mantra.
I learned how to plan for myself.
I didn’t plan my future when I was in a relationship, I planned my future with my partner. After my breakup, I took the time to set realistic goals for myself. I started small, very small, but I made decisions, and that was something I was never able to do before.
I got over the relationship.
I wasn’t waiting until the day I woke up and decided I was over him because I knew that wouldn’t be for a while. I was waiting until the day I was okay being single; comfortable even. I wanted to know my issues were a thing of the past and that I could date without carrying around so much baggage. I stayed single because I knew I needed to work through some things, and I did.
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