I Stayed Single After My Breakup And I’m So Glad I Did

I hate to admit it, but my life revolved around my last relationship. When it ended, I didn’t know how to handle the heartbreak but I knew that I didn’t want to lose myself or jump into a new relationship. I wanted to spend time alone so I could get back to my old self again. I stayed single for an entire year and I’m so glad I did—here’s why.

  1. I got to live drama-free. Don’t get me wrong, dating is fun, but that beginning period sucks. It’s nothing but miscommunication and false hope. I decided to avoid it all. Instead of pulling myself out of bed on Friday nights to flirt with strangers, I stayed in and focused on me. I was already drained from my breakup—I didn’t need any extra drama.
  2. I figured out why it ended. I’m incredibly needy. When I get attached to someone, they become my everything very quickly. My life starts to revolve around them, which makes me feel insecure and leads to me acting out. I thrive off attention and that doesn’t make me a good partner. My ex wasn’t perfect, but neither was I.
  3. I appreciated my friends more. My friends and family rallied around me after my break up. They constantly checked on me to make sure I was OK. Honestly, I felt more love during that time than when I was in a relationship. I was able to grow my friendships and put my family first.
  4. I didn’t rebound. I avoided guys like it was my full-time job. I didn’t go to parties and I definitely wasn’t active on dating apps. Hell, I didn’t even smile at random men I thought were attractive. While that might sound extra, it worked. I didn’t rebound, not once!
  5. I caught up on my sleep. You’d be surprised by how many restless nights I had in my relationship. Whether we spent the night fighting, partying, or binge-watching Netflix. I was exhausted, so I decided it was time that I caught up on my sleep. I bought an infuser, a silk pillowcase, and LITERALLY lived my best life. It was fantastic.
  6. I got my revenge body. I love to exercise (yes, I’m one of those people). Working out makes me feel good and I needed that after my relationship ended. So, I went to the gym… a lot. Not an unhealthy amount or anything, but I lost weight in all the right places and felt like Khloe Kardashian after Lamar cheated.
  7. I made a plan to improve. I decided to stay single so I could stop relying on my partners to make me happy. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes in my next relationship, I wanted to be better. I made a list (yes, with pen and paper) of what I wanted to improve on (my neediness, my indecisive behavior, etc.). Seeing it on paper really helped me. I worked every day to ensure I wouldn’t fall into the same bad habits.
  8. I learned from watching. I was single, but my friends weren’t. I listened to their dating stories and watched them date assholes, as well as some really nice guys. It was interesting. I learned more about dating norms and how easy it is to make bad decisions when you have a crush. I lived vicariously through my friends, which helped prepare me.
  9. I focused on the positive. I spent a lot of time focusing on my negative qualities and because of that, I saw bad things everywhere. After my breakup, I focused on having a positive outlook. I read books on the power of positivity and started reworking my thoughts to create a better existence for myself. My life isn’t perfect, but I can definitely vouch for the whole “positive thoughts equal positive outcomes” mantra.
  10. I learned how to plan for myself. I didn’t plan my future when I was in a relationship, I planned my future with my partner. After my breakup, I took the time to set realistic goals for myself. I started small, very small, but I made decisions, and that was something I was never able to do before.
  11. I got over the relationship. I wasn’t waiting until the day I woke up and decided I was over him because I knew that wouldn’t be for a while. I was waiting until the day I was okay being single; comfortable even. I wanted to know my issues were a thing of the past and that I could date without carrying around so much baggage. I stayed single because I knew I needed to work through some things, and I did.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.