I’m not sure when it starts, but comparing ourselves to other women seems to be a rite of passage for our gender. It used to make me feel like crap, and it wasn’t until I stopped that I started to love myself for exactly who I am.
I accept the fact that everyone is different.
Other than the fact that most of us have vaginas, no woman is the same and we’re all unique individuals. No one should be aiming to be like anyone else because none of us are and that’s the beauty of womanhood. By refusing to compare myself, I’ve learned to appreciate our differences as what make us special.
I’ve embraced my flaws.
Flaws are no longer intimidating when you aren’t comparing yourself to someone else. I have an insane amount of stretch marks, but they only bothered me when I compared my thighs to women on magazine covers. Yeah, the image is probably Photoshopped but it still made an impact. Now I see those stretch marks as a beautiful marker of how much I’ve grown and I’m so much happier.
I’m comfortable playing with different styles.
I used to mercilessly stick to one style that I thought worked for me best. It wasn’t because I was in love with the look but because I convinced myself that it was the only look I could get close to perfect. I love the person that I am and no matter what style I decide to temporarily try, it’s my decision.
I’m not trying to outdo anyone.
Trying to be the most attractive person in the room all the time is exhausting. You’re basically a slave to a game that you will never win. There will always be someone prettier than you, but that doesn’t mean you lose value. I have so much more energy now that I’m not overanalyzing crowded rooms.
I no longer have “Is she prettier?” anxiety.
There was a time when I’d get very anxious when an attractive woman was in the same room as me. The comparing got so bad that I convinced myself that everyone else in the room was sizing me up too. OBGYN waiting rooms were at the center of most of my nightmares, for some reason. Now that I’ve stopped comparing myself, this anxiety has gone away.
I don’t focus on superficial qualities anymore.
When you compare yourself to a woman you’ve never met before, you’re basing the comparison on shallow things. Yeah, her boobs are bigger and your eyebrows can’t even fantasize about being that thick, but those things aren’t what should matter. Looks really aren’t everything and the sooner you embrace that, the easier life will be.
I’m confident about what I have to offer as a person.
I’m living for myself every single day. I make people laugh, I’m a great listener, and I’m an amazing friend. None of these qualities can be attributed to my looks and there’s something incredibly beautiful about that. People have to put forth the effort to get to know the real me and they’re pleased with what’s on the inside.
Abiding by society’s standard of beauty is lame.
Standards of beauty may never fully disappear, but I’ve chosen to stray away from them. Since other women are no longer factors in how I rate myself, I realized that beauty is attainable in so many other ways. Looks are a small part and many times, those looks are governed by people’s preference and opinions.
It’s easier for me to befriend other women now.
As an adult, I’ve occasionally been hesitant to befriend attractive women. I was never sure what their intentions were and I always coined myself as the ugly duckling. Now, as long as I know you’re a good person, we can most definitely be friends. Ladies have got to stick together instead of tearing each other down or secretly competing.
My husband sees and appreciates the positive changes.
Ironically, my husband seemed to notice my insecurities when I compared myself to other women. Since I’ve stopped, my whole demeanor has changed and he loves how comfortable I am in my own skin. To be honest, I really love it too.
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