I’d Rather Be Dumped Than Have To Break Up With Someone — Here’s Why

In my 23 years of life, I’ve been dumped twice. It sucked and I cried a lot, but it was still easier to cope with than having to be the one ending the relationship. Here’s why I’d pick being dumped overdoing the dumping any day.

  1. Breaking up with someone requires some serious mental preparation. The minute you decide to end things with your significant other, your mind becomes a full-on war zone. You can’t stop obsessing about what you’re going to say or what your life will be like afterward. You have to try to pick the right time, the right words, and the right setting. The problem is that you never, ever can.
  2. Getting dumped takes zero effort. I mean, I probably didn’t even see it coming anyway, right? Crying is somewhat labor-intensive, but that’s basically the extent of my participation in the situation. I’m kinda lazy and a natural peacekeeper, so this is kind of the perfect option for me.
  3. When you’re the one getting dumped, you can get away with being completely irrational. When you’re the dumpee, you can sound as ridiculous as you want and nobody can judge you for it—especially the person who’s dumping you. Probing for any questions you feel like you need answers to, whether they’re relevant or not, is totally fair game.
  4. You can get away with looking ridiculous too. Being a snotty mess is 100 percent fair game too. Being the breaker-upper means needing to appear at least somewhat put together, but the role of dumpee dictates that any semblance of social skills go out the window the moment the words “we need to talk” are spoken.
  5. When the two people involved aren’t on the same page emotionally, it gets really awkward. When I decided to end my long-distance relationship a few years ago, I was happy about my decision. I know that sounds bad but I was so over waiting around for someone who wasn’t going to be attainable anytime soon. So, when I Skyped my boyfriend at the time to break up with him and he was clearly upset (as evidenced by the seemingly endless stream of tears), it was pretty damn awkward. The best worst part was when through his sobbing he asked me, “Why aren’t you crying?!” I’d prefer to never have to deal with that again.
  6. Nobody likes making someone else cry. If you’re the one doing the breaking up and the other person is unaware of what’s about to go down, chances are there’ll be some tears shed. No one likes to make someone cry on purpose. If the person who’s dumping you is nice, they might even have some Kleenex on hand! If not, you’re probably never going to see them again, so don’t worry about sniveling all over their sleeve and/or shoulder.
  7. When you get dumped, you bypass the days of dread leading up to the deed. Once you commit to breaking up with someone, you also commit to a slew of dread-filled days before you actually do it. You go through your daily routine feeling like an actual weight is bearing down on you. The thought of going through with the breakup makes you feel relieved because you know you’ll feel better but oh, wait, there’s that dread again! It’s an unpleasant cycle, and one you can skip out on entirely if you’re on the other end of the situation.
  8. Post-breakup activities are kind of awesome. Eating loads of ice cream, burning old pictures of you and your (now) ex, having steamy rebound sex. Why would you want to miss out on all of the typical fun after-the-split stuff? Answer: you don’t.
  9. You don’t feel like a jerk when you get dumped. Assuming you’re getting dumped out of the blue, you’re totally in the right! It wasn’t your idea and you’re probably sad about it, so the only person feeling like a total jerk is the person doing the dumping. And if they don’t feel like a jerk, good riddance.
  10. You only have your own feelings to think about when the other person ends it. Not only does breaking up with someone require mental preparation and planning, it makes you feel responsible for the way the other person takes the news. As messed up as it sounds, when you get dumped, you only have to worry about yourself and how you feel. Feelings are a heavy thing to deal with, and it’s even worse when you have to worry about how your words will affect someone that you once cared for and probably still care about.
Recent college grad with a B.A. in English. Double minor in feminism and sass. Avid Facebooker, Instagrammer, blogger.