Not everyone is blessed with unflappable self-confidence, but with hard work and a bit of self-reflection, anyone can get to a place where they feel generally self-assured and comfortable in their own skin. However, some people never quite manage to realize their self-worth, and it becomes obvious to everyone around them because of certain things they say. Here are some of the most common things you’ll hear from people who are secretly insecure.
1. “I’m not very good at that.”
This self-deprecating phrase can be a red flag. When someone repeatedly expresses doubts about their abilities or self-worth, it suggests a lack of confidence. They might be grappling with imposter syndrome, fearing that they don’t measure up to other people’s expectations. Recognizing these signs can help when it comes to offering support and encouragement to those who may need it.
2. “What do you think/how do you feel about me?”
Constantly seeking external validation and approval can be a sign of insecurity. When someone relies on other people’s opinions to feel good about themselves or sure of their decisions, it points to a pretty fragile self-esteem. They may be terrified of rejection and need constant reassurance. They should be able to stand on their own two feet and feel good about the path they’re on, regardless of whether or not anyone else approves.
3. “I could never do that!”
Expressing extreme self-doubt about their capabilities reveals a fixed mindset. Insecure people tend to avoid challenges and opportunities for growth because they truly believe they’re incapable. It’s a defense mechanism to protect themselves from potential failure. Encouraging them to embrace challenges and believe in their abilities can be transformative.
4. “I should have…”
No one wants to live with regrets, but if someone uses this phrase often, it’s clear they do. It proves that they find it hard to forgive themselves or cut themselves any slack so they can move forward. Insecure people also tend to replay past mistakes in their minds over and over again, which only makes them feel more inadequate. They need to realize that everyone messes up, and that’s okay — in fact, it’s how you grow as a person.
5. “I’m just lucky, I guess.”
Attributing their achievements solely to luck is a way of downplaying their abilities. While luck plays a part in many things in life, writing off or downplaying their accomplishments all the time shows that they’re reluctant to take credit for their hard work. It’s as if they’re afraid of acknowledging their own competence, for some reason.
6. “People are talking about me.”
Fixating on what other people may or may not be saying or thinking about them is a sign of insecurity. They may be hypersensitive to criticism and often imagine that other people are judging them negatively even when that’s clearly not the case. They need to realize that people are preoccupied with their own lives — they’re likely not giving them a second thought.
7. “I’m probably wrong, but…”
Prefacing statements with self-doubt suggests a lack of confidence in their opinions. They may be afraid of confrontation or having their ideas rejected. However, this self-sabotaging language makes it nearly impossible to communicate effectively. They should feel empowered to express their thoughts and opinions without belittling them or opening them up for criticism. Their points of view are just as valid as everyone else’s.
8. “I don’t deserve this.”
Feeling undeserving of good things happening in their life is a common sign that someone is insecure. They might think that the good things that happen in their life are temporary and undeserved, which makes them anxious about it all going away as quickly as it came. Reminding them of their worth and the value they bring to the table can boost their self-esteem.
9. “I don’t want to bother you.”
Excessive apologizing or reluctance to ask for help can signal insecurity. These people may not want to inconvenience anyone because they’re afraid of imposing or becoming a burden. As a result, they come across as if they completely lack self-assurance. Asking for help or starting a conversation with someone isn’t “bothering” them. The sooner they realize this, the better.
10. “I’m fine.”
Paradoxically, insisting that everything is fine when it’s not can be a way of concealing vulnerability. It’s a defense mechanism to avoid exposing their true emotions or seeking support. Encouraging open and honest communication can help them feel safe sharing their feelings and concerns.
11. “I don’t want to be a burden.”
Much like the above item about not wanting to bother someone, expressing a fear of burdening people with their problems is a common trait among insecure people. They may hesitate to share their concerns, thinking they should handle everything on their own. Offering a listening ear and reassurance can help them open up.
12. “I’ll probably mess it up.”
Constantly anticipating failure and using phrases like this can indicate a lack of self-confidence. People who say things like this may avoid taking on new challenges because of their fear of making mistakes. Encouraging them to embrace learning from failures can be empowering.
13. “I’m afraid people will judge me.”
Fear of judgment from others can manifest in statements like this. Insecure people may be overly concerned about how they appear to everyone around them, leading to self-doubt. Creating a non-judgmental and supportive environment can help alleviate their anxieties, but ultimately, it’s up to them to get a handle on their self-worth and begin asserting themselves.
14. “I’m not as good as [insert person’s name here].”
Comparing yourself unfavorably to others is a sign of low self-esteem. People who do this may downplay their abilities and accomplishments, believing they fall short. In reality, it’s not a competition — more than one person can be successful at a time, and they need to embrace that idea.
15. “I need to apologize for everything.”
Saying sorry all the time, even for minor things, can indicate a constant need to seek forgiveness. Insecure people may apologize for simply existing because they feel like that’s somehow an imposition on the world around them. They should save their apologies for when they’ve actually done something wrong.
16. “I can’t say no.”
An inability to assert boundaries and a constant willingness to accommodate others can reveal insecurities. People who say this may be terrified of rubbing people the wrong way or disappointing them, leading to self-neglect. Empowering them to prioritize self-care and set healthy boundaries can be transformative.
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