Empathy is essential in relationships because it makes you a better communicator, and it helps others to feel seen and respected by you. But, it also helps you to stay in healthy relationships. If you lack empathy, you can break down your relationships because your partner or friends will feel like you’re writing off their feelings. So, if you want to be more empathetic, stop doing these 12 things right now.
1. Stop Telling People It’s No Big Deal.
If someone opens up about a problem they’re dealing with at work or in their relationship, don’t tell them it’s no big deal. You’re not making them feel better. Instead, you’re making them feel like you just want to write off their feelings, perhaps because you don’t want to deal with them. Not cool! To them it is a big deal and if you care about them, you’ll give them attention.
2. Stop Talking Over People.
People who lack empathy tend to dominate conversations because they only care about what they have to say. They totally disregard what other people bring to the conversation. It’s unfair and annoying. Stop yourself from wanting to interject with your thoughts and count to 10 after someone’s spoken before you try to grab the microphone.
3. Stop Compartmentalizing Your Emotions (Sweetn can help).
If you’re someone who hops from relationship to relationship and never processes heartbreak and pain, it’s no wonder you’re not very empathetic towards others — you don’t even offer yourself any empathy! This is something our sister site, Sweetn, can help with. They use research-backed methods to help you overcome limiting beliefs and create the (love) life you deserve. Check them out here.
4. Stop Judging Others.
If someone fails at something and you knew it would happen, it’s inappropriate to tell them, “I told you so!” Yikes. Being judgy makes you come across as mean and uncaring, which can make people in your life feel uncomfortable to open up to you. When you feel a judgmental thought coming on, think about things you’ve done that you’d hate for others to judge.
5. Stop Telling People What To Do.
It’s time to quit being Ms. Unsolicited Advice, okay? Hold back on doling out advice and telling people what to do because it can put them off. Fight the temptation to tell people what you think they should do with their lives by choosing to ask them questions about their situation instead. This is much more helpful and it shows you’re legit listening to them.
6. Stop Multitasking During Conversations.
When someone’s talking to you, don’t check your phone or emails, or busy yourself with untangling your earphones. It’s so rude! The person will feel like you’ve completely tuned out of the conversation and you’re not respecting them enough to listen to what they have to say. Focus on their words and show them that you’re giving them your undivided attention.
7. Stop Making The Conversation About You.
When your friend or partner tells you about their crazy day, do you try to steer the conversation onto your day instead? Do you do this all the time, like you’re always keen to make the conversation about you? It’s not on. You’re dominating the conversation and making people feel like you’re selfish. Stop, take a breath, and actively listen to them. You don’t have to share all your stories all the time.
8. Stop Telling People They’re “Too Much.”
People who lack empathy struggle to deal with people’s emotional expression, which is funny ’cause they can’t regulate their own feelings. SMH. If you tell your friend that they’re “too crazy” or “too much” for what they feel, you’re being so insensitive. It’s also rude to make someone feel like they’ve got a problem when they’re just trying to express themselves in a healthy way.
9. Stop Listening Just To Answer.
When someone’s talking you, do you listen just so you can formulate the next thing you’re going to say, or do you actively listen? If you’re empathetic, you’ll do the latter. Active listening makes people feel that you’re locked into the conversation and it builds trust between you. You can show people you’re actively listening by showing that you’re paying attention, such as by nodding at appropriate times and making eye contact.
10. Stop Losing Eye Contact.
One of the body language cues that empathetic people use is eye contact. If you’re always looking away from the person to your surroundings or other people, you’re showing them that you’re not listening to or caring about what they have to say. Eye contact is such a powerful way to form a connection with someone and it’s a crucial element of empathy.
11. Stop Changing The Subject.
One of the most annoying things that people do when they lack empathy is change the subject so they can talk about topics they want. They might also do this during difficult moments. For example, if your partner tries to talk to you about your relationship issues, you might change the subject and talk about your day instead. Ouch!
12. Stop Ignoring Body Language Cues.
Another thing you might be guilty of doing if you’re not showing empathy is disregarding people’s body language cues. People could be showing you that they’re getting peeved with your lack of empathy, but you’re missing it and proving you lack empathy! So, check body language cues, such as if someone’s leaning away from you or tensing their jaw. Adjust your responses and ask them questions about what they feel to show you care.
13. Stop Not Apologizing For Things.
Do you ever stand up and apologize to others for what you’ve done? Or, do you shirk responsibility? If it’s the latter, you’re coming across as unkind and unfair. You don’t have to always be right, you know. Consider the role you’ve played in situations, even if they weren’t completely your fault. Apologize to loved ones first for a change, instead of waiting for them to chase you. They’ll stop making so much effort if you’re not meeting them halfway.
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