You might think the person you’ve started dating is going to become exclusively yours, but are you sure you’re both on the same page? While you’re getting ready to define the relationship, they could be happy with the status quo, stringing you along, and keeping you around for when it’s convenient, like when their other partner breaks up with them. Yikes. Here are 16 clear signs that you’re being kept as an option.
1. They Say “Maybe Next Week…”
You suggest heading out to the new coffee shop or restaurant that’s opened in town but the person tells you that they’ll “have to let you know” if they have time the following week. Um, Â it seems that they’re always dishing you such phrases or stalling. They can’t commit to hanging out unless they’re the one initiating outings.
2. They Promise To See You “Soon.”
Is the person always promising that you’ll go on another date soon, but then they never get in touch? Hmm. Clearly, something (or someone) else is taking up all their time and energy, so they can’t dedicate much time to you. Check how many times they serve you one of these lame texts to buy time. Honestly, you might be in an almost-relationship dead-end.
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4. They Text, “Are You Up?”
You’re getting your beauty sleep, when your phone beeps. It’s the new person you’re dating, asking if you’re up. Groan. It’s nearly midnight, so clearly the person’s looking for something naughty, not a deep chat about the universe. If this is always their texting pattern, it’s a sign that you’re just convenient when they don’t have anyone else around.
5. They Hate Labels.
When you talk about romantic relationships, does the person always say that they don’t believe in labels or they hate them? Really? What’s so scary about being called someone’s “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”? Maybe what they really dislike is being committed to someone, which is alarming if you’re keen on a committed, exclusive relationship.
6. They Love Spontaneous Dates.
Although this person doesn’t like to plan dates ahead of time, they’re always down for spontaneous dates. They’ll call you at the last minute and ask you if you wanna grab dinner or go for drinks at the nearby pub. Although these impromptu dates can be fun, they lose their appeal very quickly.
7. They’re Always Moaning About Being Busy.
When they cancel dates and dish you the lame excuse that they’re too busy for anything right now, it starts to feel like they’re just trying to keep you at a distance. That’s exactly what they’re doing. They want to keep you at a physical and emotional distance because they’re dating other people and/or don’t want to get serious with you.
8. They Change The Subject When You Get Too Serious.
This person loves having fun and sharing a good laugh, but what happens when you talk about something serious? Do they shut down and change the subject, which makes you feel like they don’t acknowledge your feelings? If they can’t tackle serious topics, they’re not looking for a deeper connection. You’re just meant to be there for the good times.
9. They Get Weird About Social Media Relationship Statuses.
You’ve been going on dates for weeks but their relationship status on their socials is still set to “single.” Ouch. It might feel weird, especially if things have been escalating emotionally. When you ask them about it, they say that it’s NBD or that they haven’t gotten around to changing it. Whatever. They don’t want people to think they’re not single, which says a lot about your relationship.
10. They Always Talk About Intimacy.
No matter what you’re talking about, the person always tries to steer the conversation toward the bedroom. At first, it was kinda hot, but now it feels like they’re just trying to avoid anything serious and only want to have booty calls. The longer this goes on, the more you think that this person’s not looking for anything but whatever’s most convenient for them.
11. They’re Only Available On Weekdays.
Is a date really brunch on a Wednesday at 11? Okay, maybe sometimes it’s fun to get away from work and have a quick brunch with someone hot, but if the person you’re dating only sees you at that time every week instead of, like, a Saturday night, you’ve got to wonder what’s going on.
12. They Rush Through Dates.
Have you ever been on a date where the person rushes through the outing so fast that you almost spill your latte all over your lap? They rush in, say they’re busy (ugh), and gulp their coffee so they can leave. Uh, what? Are you not valuable enough for them to spend more than half an hour with you? Come on!
13. They’re Full Of Excuses.
Do they take lots of rainchecks, promising to make it up to you? Ugh. They’ve always got an excuse for why they can’t hang out or why they have to cancel at the last minute. Honestly? It’s tiring. If someone’s always doing this to you, it’s not a stretch to assume that they have a partner waiting for them back home.
14. They Call When They’re Down And Out.
You might not hear from this person for days, then they call when they’re alone on a Saturday night in bed with a bad case of flu. Sure, it’s sweet ’cause you assume it means you’re the first one they think of when they’re down and out, but if they only phone you when they’re sad/sick/lonely, it’s clear you’re number 10 on their list of priorities.
15. They Say, “I’ll Text You Later” But Don’t.
You know what they say: if someone keeps telling you that they’ll do things, but they never do, then you’ve got a problem. They can’t keep their word on little things, which means that they won’t be able to stick to being honest about the bigger things. So, when they say they’ll text or call but they never do, it sucks ’cause you’re wasting your time waiting for them.
16. They Never Talk About Relationships.
How does this person react when you want to talk about relationships? Maybe you mention that your bestie’s getting married or you want to ask them about their thoughts on relationships, and they keep shutting you down. This person doesn’t want a relationship. Maybe they’ve already got a relationship going on the side or they want to keep things casual with a lot of people.
17. They’re Only Into You In RL.
When you’re with this person, they’re super affectionate. When you’re not together, it’s like you don’t exist. What gives? They ignore your calls or take ages to reply to your texts. Sometimes, you might even be convinced that they’re ghosting you, but then they resurface. Ugh. Their inconsistency is a huge red flag.
