The Challenges Of Getting Over An Almost-Relationship

They say that you need about half the time you were together to get over someone, but what if you were technically never officially in a relationship begin with? You don’t want to waste time and energy mourning something that never really was, but at the same time, it’s hard to just pretend you don’t care at all. That’s just one of the many dilemmas of the almost-relationship coming to an end.

  1. You wonder if you made the whole thing up on your head. It seemed like it was going well, and you could have sworn he liked you, but then he just vanished into thin air. Did he really exist? Were there signs that he wasn’t that interested and you just didn’t see them? You’ll never know.
  2. Your friends aren’t that helpful. Sure, they’ll listen to you vent if you need them to, but if they’ve never even met the guy they probably won’t be much help. Besides the stock “it’s his loss” kind of ego stroking that really doesn’t mean anything.
  3. You’re disappointed it didn’t go anywhere. You had high hopes for your future together and maybe even let yourself believe it could turn into something serious. But for some reason it just didn’t cross that line from “seeing each other” to “relationship” and you’re left confused and disappointed.
  4. You wish you didn’t care so much. You know it wasn’t serious, so why does it bother you so much that he’s gone? You’ll probably beat yourself up for getting attached too fast and letting your guard down for nothing.
  5. You can’t stop wondering what happened. An almost-relationship probably stalled before it got very far, but there’s no obvious reason why. And if he ghosted you, you don’t even have the option of asking him what went wrong, so your imagination will probably take over in an attempt to fill in the blanks.
  6. You don’t know if you should consider them an ‘ex’. You were never actually together, so would it be weird to call him your ex? Then again, does it really matter? Probably not, and maybe considering him an ex would somehow be like giving yourself permission to be upset that you”broke up”.
  7. You have to act cool, even if you don’t feel that way. Losing it over a guy who was never even your boyfriend is kind of like being the girl who cried wolf. We’re all entitled to be upset over a breakup, but you probably feel obligated to save the real waterworks for a guy who actually made it past the three month mark.
  8. There’s probably not much closure. When it ends before it really starts, no one feels obligation to offer an explanation and make it clear that it’s not working. It kind of just fizzles out and you’re forced to accept it. Sometimes just getting dumped is a lot easier than the almost-relationship slow fade.
  9. It’s confusing to see that he’s moved on. Since you two were never actually together, he probably didn’t need a lot of time to get over you in order to start dating someone else. But it still hurts to see him with someone else as if you never mattered at all.
  10. You aren’t sure if maybe he’ll come back. If there was never a solid, obvious reason why it didn’t work out, it’s hard to accept that there isn’t hope for the future. You’ll always be wondering if maybe the timing was just wrong, and he might suddenly decide he wants to give it another shot.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.