Living at home during college and even for a while after graduation is normal these days. Everyone’s circumstances are different and I’m totally not judging. That being said, I’m 29, and one of my dealbreakers has to be dating a guy who still lives with his parents — especially if he’s never lived anywhere but his childhood bedroom. I moved out when I was 19, and other than a brief stay with my mom right after I graduated, I haven’t looked back. Is it so much to ask to want a guy who thinks having his own place is as important as I do?
- I like privacy. I like to be able to go grab a glass of water in my underwear and sing really loud when I’m in the shower. Basically, I’m used to being the only one around, and that’s how I like it. I need my space, and I want a guy who understands that. I don’t want to have to worry that his mom is going to burst into the room unannounced to ask if I’m peckish and want a snack.
- I don’t want to see his mom every time I see him. It’s not that I don’t like his mom — I’m sure she’s lovely! But she’s still a mom. I don’t want to meet his mom the first time I ever go to his house, and I don’t want to “stay for dinner” every time, either. I consider meeting the mom a big deal, but if he lives at home, he probably brings every girl he dates to meet her pretty quickly. That means to him, it doesn’t mean as much.
- Does he even know how to take care of himself? Obviously, not every guy who lives with his parents still lets his mom do his laundry, but some do (believe me, I know). If a guy who’s almost 30 can’t cook his own meals and wash his own clothes, he’s a certified man-child. I’m not trying to be a surrogate parent to a grown adult who’s supposed to be my partner. This is one of my biggest qualms with dating a guy who lives with his parents.
- If he’s never had roommates, he might be a nightmare to live with. People who have never had to be considerate of the different habits of others probably aren’t going to be good roommates. It’s not that they’re purposely trying to be rude, they just have no idea leaving their dirty dishes in the sink for days is frowned upon.
- Is he terrible with money? What possible reason could there be for him to still live in his parents’ house other than he can’t manage his money? There are a lot of variables here. Is he paying them rent, or is he saving up for a down payment on a house? Admittedly, my first thought upon hearing a 30-year-old lives with his parents is that he can’t afford to live anywhere else.
- Why doesn’t he want to live on his own? Most people start thinking about getting their own place by their early 20s, give or take a couple years. So why hasn’t he? It could be for any number of reasons, most of which come back to the fact that he doesn’t want to be an adult.
- Maybe his parents are babying him. Most parents expect their kids to move out on their own at some point, but if his parents have never mentioned it, don’t ask him to pay rent, and genuinely seem like they want him to stay, why would he ever leave? It’s possible to get comfortable to the point of being conclusive, and that’s a massive worry to me.
- I don’t want to worry his parents might hear us having sex. The rare times I decide to stay overnight there, sex would be out of the question. It’s hard to get in the mood when you know your boyfriend’s mom is right downstairs watching reruns of “The Golden Girls.” Talk about a major turn-off.
- I don’t want to be the first person he lives with other than his parents. I’m too old to be the one teaching a guy how to grocery shop for himself, keep up with all his bills, clean the bathroom on a regular basis, and remember to stock up on toilet paper. I’d end up doing all the stuff his mom used to do, and he’d never learn how to be on his own.
