I used to be one of the cliched nice girls who bent over backward for people until my back almost broke. I’m done! Here are 11 examples of how I blindly accepted annoying and frustrating behavior from guys. I refuse to do that anymore.
- Giving the guy the texting power I would text the guy on time and respond to his texts immediately only to end up being ignored by him because he had better things to do (read: he wasn’t interested). I wish I would’ve spoken up about how his texting habits didn’t work with mine, but I didn’t. The result? He could text if and when he felt like it and be lazy the rest of the time.
- Getting stood up and being nice about it One guy I dated was always late every time we met up. I mean always. I’d end up having to wait on him while ordering numerous coffees. It was pathetic. I should’ve left the restaurant and told him to stop disrespecting me, especially when I inevitably received the “I can’t make it, sorry” message half an hour after the time we were supposed to have met. Hello!
- Letting boyfriends be moody While the guy I was dating might have been super nice to me, at least in the beginning of the relationship, he would sometimes disrespect my besties and loved ones by turning up drunk to my family’s Christmas lunch (geez) or not making an effort with my friends. Hey, dude, if they matter to me, they should matter to you! I’ve learned my lesson.
- Allowing them to take advantage of me Ah, the guy with the sob stories. I knew a lot of those types back in the day. They would prey on my nice personality and try to get me to pay for dinner/their rent without batting an eyelid. I would grind my teeth and go along with it, thinking that maybe – just maybe – they really needed the help, only for them to ask for money again a few days later. What am I, a walking bank?
- Laughing at their negging I freaking hate it when guys neg women. What is appealing about giving backhanded compliments and making people feel like crap? I used to try to laugh when guys would neg me so that I wouldn’t seem uptight, but those “jokes” weren’t jokes at all. They were insults.
- Tolerating mixed messages I used to sit and analyze a guy’s texts for hours with friends, wondering what he meant, if he liked me, and if his mixed messages weren’t red flags. Duh – they were! If only I could have all that time spent stressing about a guy’s intentions back. I’d put it to so much better use nowadays.
- Letting them speak over me The thing about toxic guys is that they love their own voices a little too much. I used to try to ignore how they’d speak over me, interrupt me, and generally make me feel ignored and under-appreciated. SMH.
- Accepting the drama This, again, relates to how much I tried to be the nice girlfriend. Guys would dump their drama on my doorstep and then expect me to have to carry it around. I seriously needed boundaries.
- Ignoring my boundaries On the subject of boundaries, I didn’t want to be pegged as the difficult woman so I’d let guys I dated cross my boundaries. If I said I didn’t want to go camping and the guy I was dating would go ahead and book a camping trip then “surprise” me with it, I’d always try to see the good in it – instead of the blatant disrespect. And no, it wasn’t a fun outing, in case you were wondering.
- Agreeing to wait This was another waste of time! If a guy didn’t seem sure about what he wanted from me, instead of running away as fast as possible, I’d give into his flirtations and sweet nothings and stick around in the hopes he’d decide to be with me. Ugh. I’d always end up alone, but being alone is better than being stuck with someone who can’t even decide if he likes me or not.
- Thinking “but he loves me” Once or twice I dated guys who would treat me well but treat some other people like dog poo. I used to think it meant that they cared about me and would never do that to me. Guess what? Sooner or later that bad behavior would single me out. SMH. I learned it the hard way: a guy who treats you well but others badly will eventually treat you badly.
