Healthy, supportive friendships bring joy, provide support, and improve your emotional well-being. However, we’ve all encountered so-called “friends” who are more toxic than supportive, which can kill your vibe and undermine your self-worth. If your friends lack these qualities, they might be “frenemies,” and it’s worth reevaluating your relationship.
1. They Don’t Celebrate Your Successes
Real friends cheer you on and celebrate your achievements, big and small. If you have friends who approach your accomplishments with jealousy and indifference or try to one-up you, they’re not genuinely happy for you. True friends enjoy your success and know it doesn’t diminish theirs. They’re the ones who are right beside you, spurring you on and popping the champagne to celebrate your wins as if they were their own.
2. They’re MIA in Tough Times
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows; real friends stick around during the storms. If your friends disappear when the going gets tough or only show up when it’s convenient for them, they don’t deserve a spot in your support network. True friends turn up, offer a shoulder to cry on, listen without judgment, and help you navigate life’s challenges with devotion and loyalty.
3. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
Having healthy boundaries is essential in any healthy relationship. If your friends constantly push you into situations that make you uncomfortable, disregard your opinions or personal space, and can never accept no, they don’t respect you. Real friends understand we all have limits and will go out of their way to make you feel accepted, respected, and comfortable in the relationship.
4. They’re Energy Vampires
We all have bad days, but if your friends are always negative, this can bring you down and drain you emotionally. Energy vampires like this are toxic and can affect your mood and outlook on life. Genuine friends strive to uplift each other, spread positivity, and offer support in difficult times without wallowing in a sea of doom and negativity.
5. They Gossip Behind Your Back
Trust is the basis for an honest and lasting friendship. If your friends talk behind your back, share your secrets, or spread rumors, they can’t be counted on or trusted. Real friends respect your privacy, value the relationship, and will never jeopardize it or your reputation for the sake of gossip. Be careful who you let into your inner circle.
6. They’re Inconsistent and Unreliable
If your friends always cancel plans at the last minute, show up late, or fail to keep their promises, they don’t respect your time or feelings. Real friends are dependable and consistent and always follow through on commitments, and if not, they will communicate honestly. These are the ones you can count on when you need them most.
7. They Talk But Never Listen
Communication and friendship are a two-way street. If your friends dominate conversations, interrupt you, or glaze over when you speak, they don’t care or value your thoughts and feelings. Genuine friends actively listen with curiosity because they care, will engage in meaningful conversations, and are always interested in what you have to say.
8. They’re Only Around for the Good Times
If your friends are quick to join in for parties and the fun but vanish like ghosts when you need a sympathetic ear or practical help, they’re acquaintances, not true friends. Real friends are there through thick and thin, emotionally invested in the relationship, and share the joys and the burdens that life brings without hesitation.
9. They’re Jealous and Competitive
A little friendly competition can be healthy, but envy, jealousy, and flat-out rivalry are red flags. If your friends undermine your achievements, get upset over your successes, or constantly try to outdo you, they’re green-eyed monsters that need to be cut loose. True friends take pride in their friends’ accomplishments and how they look and act, and they inspire each other in every way to be their best.
10. They Don’t Accept You for Who You Are
Authenticity is the foundation of a true friendship. If you feel you have to hide parts of yourself, change how you act, or put on a facade to be around your friends, you aren’t accepted; you are judged. Real friends love you for who you are, quirks and all, and encourage you to love yourself and always be the real you.
11. They Manipulate and Control You
Manipulative behavior, such as guilt-tripping, playing mind games, or trying to control your decisions, is a serious red flag. Friends who resort to these tactics attempt to undermine your self-esteem and sense of self. Genuine friends respect your opinions and independence and support your choices without trying to steer you in a direction for their personal gain.
12. They Don’t Offer Support or Encouragement
If your friends belittle your goals, discourage your dreams, or fail to support you, they do not positively influence your life. True friends believe in you, offer encouragement, and inspire you to pursue your aspirations confidently. If they don’t, they are out for themselves, most likely envious and jealous of your life.
13. They Take More Than They Give
Healthy friendships are equal, balanced, and mutually committed. Friends should offer their support and time and put effort into maintaining the relationship. If your friends consistently take advantage of your kindness, rely on you for favors, or expect you to always accommodate them without giving anything back, it’s a one-sided friendship. Real friends contribute equally and place a high value on the friendship.
14. They Disrespect Your Other Relationships
Your friendships should coexist harmoniously with the other important relationships in your life. If your friends criticize your family, significant other, or other friends or try to monopolize your time, they’re co-dependent and don’t respect your life outside of them. Genuine friends and grown-ups accept, understand, and respect that we have other relationships and support everyone and everything in your life.
15. They Never Apologize or Take Responsibility
If your friends refuse to apologize when they’re wrong, make excuses, justify their behavior, or worse, shift blame onto you, they’re emotionally immature and don’t know how to take responsibility for their actions. Real friends acknowledge their mistakes and missteps, offer sincere apologies, and make amends to maintain trust and respect in the relationship.
