I’m definitely not a bully, a mean girl, or someone who takes pleasure in being mean to others in any way. I believe in being kind and treating people with respect. That said, I can be a bitch — a huge one. I trust my gut when it tells me to be a bitch, and I act on it because I believe my voice has value. I’m not sorry for it, nor will I apologize. Here’s why:
- I’m not always actually being a bitch. Olivia Pope once chimed in on her feelings about the word bitch, saying, “The words used to describe women! If she was a man you’d say she was ‘formidable’ or ‘bold’ or ‘right.'” The word essentially highlights the double standard we have for acceptable behavior. A man would receive a compliment for behaving the same way that caught me an insult. Since men are not expected to apologize for being formidable or bold, I refuse to apologize for being a “bitch.”
- I resent the idea that I should always be happy. It pisses me off when complete strangers would tell me to smile more. Why should I smile if I don’t feel like it? Why do I have to pretend to be happy? I’m a real human being with a wide spectrum of emotions, and ignoring most of them never felt like a healthy or satisfying idea to me. Nonstop joy is an absurd ideal to put on someone and an absolutely unattainable goal. To me, saying sorry for being a bitch means I agree that women should aim for relentless pleasantness, and I refuse to support that idea.
- Never being a bitch is inauthentic. Constant happiness isn’t genuine. It’s not a reflection of an authentic, happy life. If people are overly concerned with you acting happy, question why the act is more important to them than the reality. Why do people insist on supporting the charade? Real life is messy and painful, and sometimes that means you have to be a bitch. Living an authentic life and speaking your truth is more important than always being nice. I won’t say sorry for being a real woman.
- I don’t need to tolerate ignorance. I don’t have to tolerate racism, misogyny, or any other ignorance. If I’m a bitch as a reaction to painful, offensive hate speech, of course I’m never going to say I’m sorry. Apologizing would mean that I not only condone this type of behavior, but that I also think that people should tolerate words or actions that they find hurtful. Therefore, I’m never going to do it.
- Other people’s comfort is not my primary concern in life. Once, after I was admittedly being a bitch at a social event, someone said, “You’re making everyone uncomfortable.” When I look back on that conversation now I think good, you should have felt uncomfortable. You should in no way feel entitled to both say ignorant things and also feel comfortable. By demanding that I not react in a bitchy manner to sexist comments, you’re essentially saying that your comfort is more important than mine. You think I should care about how my words affect your feelings when you don’t grant me the same courtesy, and that’s BS. You do not deserve the luxury of my censorship, and I will not apologize for feeling that way.
- My anger is valid. The validity of a woman’s anger is constantly under scrutiny. I’m not on period, I’m not being irrational or overly emotional, and I haven’t had too much to drink. I’m just being a bitch. Saying sorry would simply confirm any suspicions that I may not have had a valid reason for being pissed off, and I won’t add any evidence for that stereotype. If you’re pissed off, own it. Be a bitch — a bold, formidable, unapologetic bitch. You don’t have to play nice, stifle your inner voice, or tolerate situations that are hurtful to you. And you definitely don’t have to apologize for being real.
