With buzzed sides and a cute pixie cut, I’m a lesbian’s dream. This is awesome, but I also love dudes, and I’m now afraid that they’re less likely to be attracted to me. It’s hard to say whether or not it’s actually true but I can’t help but believe it is.
I want to have a queer look. As a queer woman, I’m attracted to people of all genders—men, women, genderqueer, people who don’t identify as any gender—I love ‘em all. Naturally, I want my look to be a bit eclectic too, reflecting all the different parts of me. Because of this, I know for sure that I can attract queer women and other queer folks, but then I’m concerned about whether or not I can attract straight men, which I definitely want to do.
I’m afraid straight guys will assume I’m a lesbian. Despite wanting to attract a straight man, I’m fearful that they’ll take one look at me and assume I’m a raging lesbian who’s exclusively into women. I’m scared that I’ll miss out on those opportunities to meet someone in a coffee shop because a man won’t see me as a viable option. Part of me knows that this is pretty silly because if he does that, he’s clearly not for me. Still, I can’t help but fear being overlooked, anyway.
Then again, the right guy wouldn’t care about hair. All of this fear tones down a bit when I think about how interactions usually go with men. If they’re interested in me, it’s usually because I’m fabulous and a babe—it doesn’t really matter what my hair looks like. The guy who’s good for me will think my hair is just part of the whole wonderful package. This will be a bold guy who won’t be afraid to talk to me.
I want a guy who isn’t afraid of my queerness. This one’s actually really important. You know, I say that I’m interested in a “good old-fashioned straight guy,” but in reality, I may not be? Like, I want a guy who’s familiar with the LGBTQIA community and can easily hang. If I’m going to date a guy, I want him to be someone who isn’t scared off if I’m going to look super queer one day. I want him to be excited that I’m going to be me and love me for it. This relaxes my fears a bit, leaving me thinking I may be able to attract a queer-friendly dude, which sounds way better.
What will be will be. I do worry a lot about finding the right person, but in my heart of hearts, I believe that the universe has a plan for me and my dating life. I truly believe that something is going to unfold that’s meant to be and it’ll all work out. I know that my higher power would want me to cut my hair whatever damn way I please in the meantime.
I know all of this is BS that was drilled into me along the way. There’s a gross book of dating rules that came out in 1995. Literally called “The Rules,” this horror show has a suggestion that women always keep their hair long so as to attract the right man. Hold on, I’m going to go throw up really quick. This is some weird rule that society has made up about women and it has to do with femininity.
We’re taught that men only like super feminine women. No wonder why we have this weird rule about long hair—we’re taught that men exclusively love feminine women. In fact, I have to be a pretty princess in order to be lovable and datable. It’s total garbage! This explains my huge fear around not being attractive enough to men. I’m told that my womanhood disappears when I cut off my flowy locks.
The concept of sexiness is an annoying one. There’s also this idea of how sexy someone is based on how they look. This concept tends to favor thin, white, and feminine women and is decided on by the general population of white men. It’s all very white-washed and heteronormative, neither of which are things I’d like to sign up for—yet, here they are ringing in my ears. If only it was that easy to shut it all off.
At the end of the day, I’m going to do what’s right for me.Despite all that’s taught to me and all the fears that I have, my hair is short anyway. I’m going to keep it short for as long as I want and do my best not to let outward pressures of what’s right and wrong change my mind. I’m going to be a powerful queer woman who loves all genders and is holding out for the person who can handle (and will love) all the awesomeness that is me.
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