I’m Not Tragically Single, I’m Just Adjusting To Realizing My Worth

­­Sometimes I miss back when deciding what to do wear to look cute was a bigger concern than whether I’d run into guys to look good for. Nowadays it seems likelier to find Waldo before meeting an eligible bachelor. However, the reality is that there are only fewer guys to date when your standards are raised, and being single just means you’re being discerning about who deserves your company and attention. While this important revelation and a commitment to self-respect should be exciting, here’s what I tell myself if old thoughts of doubt and negative self-talk creep back up.

  1. There are fewer options when you’re selective. It’s not like I’m single because I can’t have anybody at all. I’m sure most people have options if they accept anything that comes their way. But why would I want to go down the road of low expectations again? Being in a relationship for the sake of it does more harm than good if it’s toxic and unfulfilling. I may not have anyone keeping my bed warm at night, but at least no one is bothering me either. I’m passing on entertaining equal opportunity dating.
  2. This could be an exciting chapter. Once I find my forever person that should be it, right? Why press fast-forward to the entire rest of my life and sleep on the possibilities that could come from the present? Single people should have a bucket list of things they won’t be able to do as easily or respectfully once they’re boo’d up and get to it. Go speed dating, be messy, put some personal savings aside, sleep sideways, and just live it up in general without having to check in with or answer to someone. Even if this status isn’t your first choice or a desired permanent outcome, you may find yourself looking back and missing certain aspects of this time in your life so enjoy it while you can.
  3. It’s a continuous learning process. It takes putting in work to admit your faults and grow as a person, but it doesn’t just stop there. Finding and maintaining a healthy relationship isn’t just some prize at the end of the transformation journey. You’re so used to what clearly didn’t work for past relationships that finding the right guy, or possibly even a good guy, will be new unfamiliar territory and it may not feel as comfortable and fairytale-like as you might’ve wanted or anticipated.
  4. Single is whole as is. People equate being single to missing something but we came into this world alone why do we need another person to complete us? They say you attract what you think you deserve. I cringe looking back at what I allowed in my life, but at those times I didn’t know better enough to do any better. After committing to a journey toward self-awareness, I’m approaching dating with a higher set of standards, firmer boundaries, and an unwillingness to settle. Whatever happens though, I’m perfectly content with my own company and a potential plus-one can only add to my solidness.
  5. Growth is not a race. I’m only living my own life, not anyone else’s. Other people getting in relationships, settling down, etc. doesn’t take away from my chances and it’s not worth trying to compare. I need to find someone when it’s my time and I’m ready.  I don’t need to follow society’s timeline for when that “should” be. I’m happy to accept my turn when it’s right.
  6. I’m happier to be on this side of self-worth. Don’t let society pressure you into feeling unaccomplished for not having certain boxes checked off by a designated age. You’re not idle because you’re solo. Working on yourself and coming to terms with where you’ve gone wrong in the past so you can correct your path for the future is hard work. That’s worth observing as an achievement and you deserve to enjoy the fruit of your labor by spending time with a renewed, stronger, more self-aware version of you.
  7. Some relationships are tragic. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side and relationship dynamics are not a one-size-fits-all arrangement. Simply being with someone doesn’t automatically guarantee no trouble in paradise. Don’t envy what another person has because you may find out what they have isn’t something you even want. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors no matter how pretty the exterior of someone’s front is.
  8. It’ll be worth it when I’m ready. Rushing the process negates the progress I’ve made, so why do it? I’d rather be fully prepared for a mutually beneficial union with another person than risk another flop. I’m tired of forced attempts that end up in ugly breakups or go-nowhere situationships. If patience is all it takes for the right piece to fit my love puzzle, I have all the time in the world.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer