My 20s have been rough. Yes, there are parties and moments of wild rebellion, but the process of learning who I was and finding my path was a little discouraging. I thought pessimistically about everything, especially love. When will I find my person? When will I find the perfect job? When will I achieve my idea of the perfect life? Then it finally hit me—I’ve earned my happiness and I need to stop trying to sabotage it.
- Breakups don’t to be life-consuming. It was so easy to lose myself in my relationship but I really lost myself in my breakup. My bed and heart felt empty. Love is hard—as fast as it comes, it can quickly crash and burn. Being bitter and jaded is OK for a minute, but after awhile it made me hard to be around. I wanted love and happiness so badly that I was pushing it away. I had to stop doubting love and started creating it within myself.
- I had to let go of the past and started living for me. There’s a certain level of guilt that rushed over me when I thought about my past. Should I have made that decision? If I made another decision, would things be different? Those thoughts destroyed me. At a certain point, I decided I had to forgive myself and move on. Past decisions have led me to this point, whether it’s where I want to be or not. I couldn’t live in the past anymore. I had to love the place I was in to get to where I wanted to be.
- Doubt will ruin everything. Doubt is a scary thing. It can cause the most optimistic person to see the glass as half empty. Most people my age are plagued by self-doubt and fear, scared of that invisible timeline we created to achieve everything by the time we’re 30. I look back on that timeline and think about how nuts and naive I was. There isn’t a set path to get to a destination. I’ve finally embraced what is and stop doubting the path I’m on. I have to own it and be confident in my decisions.
- Love sucks but I can’t give up on it. It’s like Charlotte said in Sex and the City: “I’ve been dating since I was 16 years old. Where is he?!” My uncertainty about relationships made me choose the wrong ones time after time. I was sabotaging myself from finding what was right for me because I surrounded myself with men who didn’t care about my feelings in the long run. Sometimes it takes a few bad boys to realize self-worth but I finally do.
- Say it out loud: “I deserve everything.” It takes a strong woman to still believe in true love after a parade of heartbreaks. I may not find that first love feeling again but I’m not going to stop myself from feeling or finding it. Life is too short to talk myself out of real happiness. It’s easy to fall for the wrong things when the right things are hard work. Is happiness hard? Hell yes! But my self-love is worth the fight.
- Self-love is more important than true love. I use to think every bad thing I went through was my fault. I would overanalyze and relive the event over and over again. I wanted a guy to come and change that. I’d hear myself say that and I’d think, “How deluded do I sound?” No one was going to change that except for me. I started doing things for me, not because I thought I might meet a guy or because someone told me it was a good idea. I did it because I wanted to for me.
- Fear is my head talking, not my heart. Fear is a bitch. I feared what I couldn’t control. I walked around thinking that the slightest movement would send everything crashing down around me. I was scared of the inevitable and thought if things didn’t change, I would stay in control. I eventually realized that I can’t move forward unless I accept change.
- The cliches are true—timing is everything. I try to avoid cliches as much as possible but the famous one is true—timing is everything. Things come in their own time. The more something is forced, the more it isn’t meant to be and it inevitably causes more pain. I’ve ruined relationships, perfect moments, and timing because I’ve been afraid. I refuse to be afraid anymore. I want happiness and I have to start by believing in it.
- I’m ready to be a trailblazer. It’s easy to compare my path to my friends. I see them going off, moving to new places, meeting The Guy, getting The Job and it makes me a little envious. It made me feel like I’m late to the party or not as successful, but my path can’t be measured next to anyone. The grass will always be greener. I may be living the life that others wish they had. I can get to the same milestones—marriage, career, success—and I can’t be afraid to go off the path and get there in my own time.
