Tired Of Being Single But Sick Of Looking For Love? Read This

I’m hopelessly single and I definitely don’t want to be anymore. I’m trying to play the game of love but I feel more like it’s playing me.  I’ve been going out, putting myself out there, and trying to meet people, but the whole thing is getting exhausting. Yeah, I’m tired of being single, but I’m also sick of going out and looking for love — especially considering I’m getting very little payoff for all of the effort I’m putting in. I know I’m not alone on this. If you’re in the same boat, read on.

Why going out and looking for love is getting me down

  1. I’m a homebody. There’s nothing wrong with that — it’s the truth. I prefer a night in on the couch to a night at the club. What I really want is a great guy who loves a good night in. I’m over going out every night and I’m ready to settle in on the couch with my favorite guy. I just have to find him first.
  2. Going out is expensive as hell. Drinks, food, cover charges, and tips — they all add up pretty damn fast. Being single doesn’t mean I’m not worried about my future finances. Yes, I want a boyfriend, but I also want to have money for a house, retirement, hobbies, and literally everything else besides alcohol at the local bar. You would think not being in a relationship would be cheaper, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. A beer alone is around $5 at least, and even if I keep to well drinks, a drinkable cocktail can be $10 outside of happy hour. Your girl is going broke here!
  3. I don’t want to be drunk all the time. I also don’t want to be the only one sober or always be the designated driver. I just want to have a good time, but spending every weekend at the bar just because you’re single sucks. I want my life to be about more than just looking for a boyfriend. Isn’t there another place for single people to spend their nights?
  4. You can’t really meet people at home. I realize that I have to go out if I want to meet someone. I don’t really want to date a colleague because that’s trouble, which means I need to be social outside of work hours despite being exhausted and just not in the mood. The chances of Prince Charming showing up on my doorstep are slim to none, no matter how much I wish that wasn’t the case. So, unless I want to spend the rest of my life alone, I’m going to have to go out a lot and I’m not always happy about it.
  5. I’m not interested in casual sex. Do I just attract men who are only interested in this or are those just the only guys who hang out at bars? Seriously, where are all the good guys hiding? I don’t want to be a f**k buddy or friend with benefits, and I certainly don’t want to Netflix and chill… unless that actually means just binging Netflix, of course. However, it seems like that’s what most guys are after. Being single and actually wanting a relationship is a minefield, that’s for sure.
  6. I shouldn’t have to work this hard to find someone. Should I? There are so many fish in the sea, but I can’t seem to catch a good one. I keep coming up with losers and I just keep throwing them back. I think my pole must be broken because seriously, is it really this hard to find love? I hoped that being single was temporary and that a good guy would come my way sooner or later, but I’m still waiting and the prospects are seeming pretty slim.
  7. I’m over the party lifestyle. I’m not a clubber. I’m not really into partying either — I’m just over that lifestyle. I have a serious career and a life. I really want to meet a guy I can fall madly in love with, but if this is really what it takes, I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last. It seems like if I stop “putting myself out there,” that’s basically me resigning myself to being alone forever. How else am I meant to meet someone?
  8. It’s so much effort for so little payoff. I have very little free time. Between a full-time job, looking after my house, going to the gym, and taking care of other responsibilities, I’m tired. That means when I do have free time, I have to sacrifice it to go out to places I meet guys. Being single means spending every weekend doing my hair and makeup and finding something nice to wear. It’s making plans with whatever friends are free and listening to loud music that gives me a headache. It’s mingling with single guys and hoping there’s a decent one there who might like to go on a date with me. When you put it that way, it doesn’t really sound worth it, does it?
  9. Guys aren’t putting in nearly as much effort as I am and it’s unfair. Is it just me, or does it seem like most guys just roll up to the bar or club in dirty jeans and messed up hair and expect women to just flock to them? Where are the hours of time in front of the mirror getting ready? Where’s the strategic posing near the bar hoping to get the attention of a hot person? Going out is a real effort for women, and I’m just not seeing the same in return from the people I’m interested in.
  10. Isn’t doing the same thing over and over the definition of insanity? Being single is supposed to be a fun experience. Meeting new people, dating, and just enjoying life as a carefree, unattached woman is generally meant to be an enjoyable experience. But, all I’m getting lately is frustration. I’m sick of being single mostly because there doesn’t seem to be an end to it. Maybe I just need a break and a change in perspective.

All that being said, I’m still really tired of being single. I want to find a partner. So, I tell myself to get over all my complaints and to remember some really important things. Maybe they’ll help you too.

Things to remember if you’re tired of being single like me

  1. Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel upset about being single. Validate your feelings and give yourself permission to feel sad or frustrated. I feel like there’s almost some sort of shame attached to admitting that I want a relationship these days. Like it somehow makes me less independent or more desperate or something. Screw that. It’s okay to want love! We’re human beings, for goodness’ sake.
  2. There are some upsides even if it doesn’t seem like it. As much as I’m tired of being single, it does have some positives. You have more time and freedom to basically do whatever you want. Plus, you don’t have to consider a partner before you make any major life decisions. Being able to be selfish is a gift.
  3. Comparison really is the thief of joy. Don’t compare your situation to others. Everyone’s journey is different, and there’s no “right” timeline for finding a partner. Yes, these sound like pointless platitudes, but they’re true. Who cares that your best friend from 11th grade married her high school boyfriend and already has three kids? Good for her! Your time will come.
  4. Negative self-talk is a no-no. Avoiding negative self-talk is tough. Believe me, I get it. However, the worst thing any of us can do is internalize the sh*tshow that is the dating world. We’re not doing anything wrong. We’re not defective. Don’t even go there.
  5. There’s more to life than your relationship status. It can be hard to remember that sometimes, especially when you’re extra tired of being single. However, it’s true. You have incredible friends, a supportive family, hobbies, passions, etc. Getting caught up on the ONE thing your life is lacking is not the vibe.
  6. Patience is key. This is pretty rich coming from me because I want love NOW. That being said, I know that’s unrealistic. Finding the right partner can take time. We all need to chill so that we don’t end up accepting someone or something unworthy of us for the sake of coupling up.
  7. You have plenty to be grateful for in life. Practice gratitude and focus on the things that you’re grateful for in your life. This can help you maintain a positive outlook and attract positive people into your life. I often take the great things in my life and I’m vowing not to do that anymore. You should do the same, no matter how tired of being single you are.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.