What To Include On Your “Perfect Man” List (And What To Leave Off)

What To Include On Your “Perfect Man” List (And What To Leave Off) iStock

Some women treat finding the perfect guy like planning a wedding. They’ve created their very own perfect man list with every single detail about how the guy should look, act, think, speak, dress, etc. I’ve met these women and it’s no surprise they’re still single. It’s fine to have an idea of some qualities you’d like your ideal partner to possess, but there are some things you might be including on your list that are unnecessary or even impossible to find. Here’s how to separate what matters from what really doesn’t.

What you should include on your “perfect man” list

  1. Sparkling personality. We’re all attracted to different types of personalities. Do you want a guy that’s not afraid to show his emotions? Do you want him to make you laugh? Should he be more serious? Think about general personality traits that really make you happy. Odds are, they’re probably similar to your own personality.
  2. Time and energy for a relationship. I don’t really mind the idea of a long-distance relationship of any kind, but many do. Decide right now how much time a guy needs available to spend with you. If you’re going to get pissed because his job limits his time, then don’t try to date a guy with a busy schedule. Decide if you want a guy that must be close at all times or if it’s okay if he has to work late or be away often.
  3. Shared interests. Opposites might attract, but there has to be some common ground. Yeah, it’s really fun to spend time together only to have one of you bored or miserable all the time. That’s what happens when you have zero shared interests. Sure, it’s possible to make love work with your complete opposite, but it’s a struggle. List a few interests that your perfect guy must share. It could be as simple as a music genre (great for conversation) or as big as going hiking every weekend.
  4. A job that makes him happy. While the type of job your guy has might not be important, it is to some. My only criteria are A) he has a job B) it’s not illegal and C) he does something that makes him happy. Try not to be overly specific here. For instance, saying you only want to date a brain surgeon that earns $200,000 a year is probably a little unreasonable. But maybe you want someone who understands your own line of work as a sales rep, so you want to date someone in sales or retail. You can even say you only want to date a guy that earns over a certain amount. Just make it realistic.
  5. Decent fashion sense. Guys aren’t notorious for their fashion sense, but let’s face it, we all want a guy that dresses a specific way. You might get turned on by guys in Armani suits while someone else might love ripped jeans and tight tee. Limit the search for your perfect guy by only dating those who dress to impress you.
  6. Sex appeal. This is the biggie. Don’t go nuts with this one. Think general. I’ve watched friends turn down amazing guys simply because their hair was the wrong shade of brown. List general physical features you’re attracted to. You could list eye color, physique, the way he holds himself, etc. Just remember, these are general guidelines and it’s okay to mix things up a bit.
  7. The big must-likes. We’ve all got those one or two things that any guy we date must like or it’s an instant goodbye. Maybe he has to love pets or kids. It could be rock music or playing golf. Whatever it is, you know the relationship isn’t going to work unless he likes it. Try to keep this section of your list to just a few things.
  8. Turn-offs. No perfect man list would be complete without listing the turn-offs. These are the things any man you date would definitely never do. It could be smoking, hunting, sleeping around, treating others badly or whatever. If he does any of your turn-offs, you know he’s not the right guy.

What you shouldn’t include on the list

  1. Detailed looks. Don’t get specific on the looks. You’re not going to find that guy, so don’t waste your time. Besides, people become more attractive the more we get to know them and discover how amazing they are. Your perfect man might not have any of the physical attributes on your list, but he’s still your best match.
  2. Strict salary requirements. Is it really fair to demand a guy make a wild salary? You could always get a job to pay for your own needs. Remember, that perfect man making six figures a year could easily lose his job and then where would you be?
  3. Communication schedule. Yes, I’ve seen this happen. One woman had a detailed chart of how often the perfect guy should call, text, FaceTime, and visit her. It’s creepy, so don’t do it. He has a life too. Be patient and he’ll call. Just let nature run it’s course here.
  4. Over-commitment. This might sound romantic, but it’s selfish. The perfect man isn’t going to leave his friends and family to spend every waking moment by your side. He’ll want to spend most of his time with you, but looking for a guy to spend all of his time with you is just wrong. Not to mention, he’s probably a stalker.
  5. Sharing every interest. No man is going to share every single interest with you. That’s part of the point of a relationship. You get to experience new things with each other. He shares his interests, you share yours and you both discover new things you like.
  6. Being a perfect little puppy dog. I hate when I hear women talk about training their boyfriends. It’s BS. You’re not a queen and he’s not your servant. Don’t expect a guy to cater to your every single need and obey your every word. If you want a puppy, get one. If you want a man, treat him like an equal.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.