It’s normal to feel insecure when you’re dating, especially if you’ve only just recently come out of a long-term relationship or you’ve had your trust broken by a recent romantic experience. However, you have to remember that, contrary to popular opinion, not all guys are going to hurt you and you could be ruining your chances with one of the nice ones if you’re doing the following things.
You’re always the first to text him. You rarely let him come to you because when you’re not seeing him, you constantly want to be speaking to him. It’s understandable that you want to keep in touch with a guy who you’re rapidly developing the feels for, but girl, let him breathe for a sec. He needs to be coming to you just as much as you’re going to him, otherwise, it’s never going to work.
You’re blatantly stalking him on social media. You’re liking his Insta photos and commenting on his Facebook statuses on the daily, giving him a ton of phone notifications all the time. You’re happy to keep reminding him that you’re there, but the truth is, you’re probably giving him a headache instead. It’s going to completely turn him off if he thinks you’re hanging onto everything he says and does all the time. It can be a little too much, too soon.
You always ask when you’re next seeing each other. Instead of letting him do the grafting in the early days, you’re putting it out there on a plate for him. There’s no chase or intrigue because you’re always the first to initiate dates as well as texts. Relationships between two people are partnerships that require balance and equal amounts of effort. If you’re upsetting the balance so early on by trying to give him everything, what makes you think that it’s going to work out in the long run? Remember: it’s only fair that he puts in some of the hard work too.
You double text him. If you don’t get a reply from your beau after a few hours, you feel like you have to text him again. Why? Because you’re genuinely concerned that he’s not going to reply at all and you’re going to get ghosted. This is your old dating experiences coming back to haunt you and you need to learn to forget them instead of assuming all the new guys that you meet are going to turn out like the old guys. Wipe the slate clean and have faith.
You get annoyed at him for a canceling a date. He might have a perfectly valid excuse, like that his grandma’s in the hospital or he’s come down with the flu, but you’re adamant that he’s canceled your date purely just to blow you off. Come on, girl—give him the benefit of the doubt. You’re never going to know the reality of the situation for sure—you just have to take his word for it. If you accuse him of being a liar, then he’s likely going to run a mile.
You freak out when he posts pictures with girls on social media. We all experience social media paranoia when it comes to relationships in this day and age; however, something that tends to look incriminating often ends up being totally innocent. Instead of assuming that he’s dating the girl he has his arm around on that photo where he’s in a bar with his friends, you’ve got to trust that there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. It’s usually just his cousin Sally who he’s happened to bump into after four years of not seeing her.
You won’t take no for an answer. In certain instances, you feel like your insecurities are fuelling irrational behavior and causing you to be high maintenance. For example, he’s not sure what he’s doing later tonight but he might go and see his friends but you put him off the idea so that he’ll be free to see you. And, if he shows any signs of indifference, then you start to make demands. Just remember that things can’t all be on your terms all the time as romantic relationships are about give and take—and above all, you have to compromise.
You’re jumping the gun. Perhaps you’ve only had a couple of dates, but you’re already talking about officially becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. This is also likely to turn him off. You need to let things naturally progress, and not try to force anything too early, otherwise, it’s a recipe for disaster. Oh, and best not to mention that you feel like he’s the one who you want to marry and have three kids with until you’re a little more serious.
You want to know every detail of the time you’re not spending together. You’re not as interested in what he’s doing at work, or when he pops around to his Mom and Dad’s house; however, if he’s bar-hopping with his friends on a Friday night, you’re all over that crap. If he doesn’t reply to your messages, you start freaking out that he’s spending time with other girls. It’s easier said than done, but you have to try and keep your cool. It’s not fair to start bombarding him with messages because your ex-boyfriend cheated on you with five different girls and you’re adamant that this guy is going to do the same. Think about it.
You’re not letting him miss you. If you’re always there, you’re always available, and you don’t give him the chance to miss you – then he simply isn’t going to miss you. Fact. Loosen up those reins, take a step back and try not to let your insecurities ruin something that could be amazing. If you do this, then it’s only a matter of time before he starts coming to you, because FYI guys like a bit of a chase. If he doesn’t end up making any effort then he’s simply not worth your time.
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