Is  He A “Never Dater”? Here’s How To Tell

Is the guy you’re talking to online and planning to meet up with actually giving you the run around? Here are signs he’s a “never dater“—a guy who has no intention of putting his money where his mouth is and actually dating you in real life.

  1. He messages or texts you constantly but meeting up isn’t in the cards. He may not have said he doesn’t want to meet you in person but if he did, it would’ve happened by now. Meanwhile, it’s been weeks of texting and sexting and he’s still not your boyfriend or anything close. If that sounds familiar, you’ve got a “never dater” on your hands!
  2. He’s acting totally interested but he’s “too busy” to do anything about it. That’s why it’s so hurtful when you realize that he never planned to properly date you even though he seems so interested via text. A classic move of the “never dater” is that he’s always super busy. He can never make plans because of his hectic schedule and he always has an excuse for why he can’t meet when you suggest something spontaneous.
  3. He’s tagged in lots of social pics. Even though he always has reasons for why he can’t meet up, when you check out his social media accounts, you see the guy’s regularly tagged in pics by friends who’ve gone out to the club or for dinner with him. What gives? Clearly he’s not that busy. He’s a social butterfly!
  4. He comes with obstacles attached. There are some things standing in the way of him dating you, and the “never dater” cites them often as a way to keep you at arm’s length. He uses them so that he doesn’t have to make real effort to date you. For example, maybe he lives far away so he can’t hook up as regularly as he’d like, or his car’s not working (again) so he can’t meet you this weekend.
  5. He’s the raincheck king. Just when you thought he’d finally meet up with you, he takes a raincheck—again! What the hell? Why are you still talking to this guy? The first time a guy reschedules, it’s possible to believe that something might have legitimately come up. The second, third, or fifth time? Wake up!
  6. He loves to talk. He keeps you on the hook because he pays attention to you, especially when he feels you slipping away. He often tells you how much he enjoys your conversations, which causes you to think there’s hope for you to become a couple. You might think that soon things will work out and you’ll be able to make a relationship work, but that won’t happen. The reason is that he’s the biggest obstacle standing between you. If he really wanted you, he’d date you.
  7. He steers away from hot topics. You might think you’re connecting a lot via text, but quality is more important than quantity. Although you might be chatting multiple times a day, what are you really talking about? The “never dater” isn’t going to invest in a relationship with you. This means he’ll hold back when it comes to serious topics like what he’s feeling. He’ll prefer to keep the conversation light and fun.
  8. His life’s a mystery. You might think you know the guy and his life because you’ve seen pictures of his motorbike and dog and the time he broke his nose, but you don’t really know him. He likes to keep you separate from the rest of his life so he makes sure that he keeps his mysterious vibe going strong. Honestly, after a while, his behavior becomes annoying AF.
  9. He plays it cool. He wants to keep you around for a casual thing, which is why he tends to play it cool so much via text. He’s the guy who likes to use lots of humor and act carefree. Don’t be fooled—it’s all part of his strategy to make you feel like everything’s cool with the two of you. Meanwhile, he just wants you for the good times. This is not the kind of guy you can ever depend on.
  10. You only hear from him when it’s convenient. Although you might chat often, he tends to go AWOL every now and then. Sometimes it feels like he’s only getting in touch because it suits him like when he has nothing better to do on the weekend. What, no friends tagging him in pics on social media? Ugh. What a jerk.
  11. You expect him to change. It’s tempting to want to wait around for him to ask you out on an official date and step up to the relationship plate, but doing that will just waste your time. It’s fun to chat with him and he knows how to turn on the charm to make you feel good, but he’s never going to become your boyfriend. Save your energy and affection for someone who’s actually going to be there in the flesh and not leave you staring at your phone waiting for him to reply to your texts. You can do so much better.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.