Is He Wasting My Time? 12 Signs He’s Not Worth It

You might think that he’d make a great boyfriend but you’ve yet to make steps to lock things down and he doesn’t particularly seem in a hurry to make you his girlfriend. Are you sure he’s not just a time waster? Here are 12 signs to look out for so you don’t spend another precious second of your life on a guy who’s just not worth it.

  1. You’re in a relationship rut. You’ve been moving through some dating milestones, but lately it seems like things are stagnating. You’re in a rut together and he doesn’t seem to want to move things forward anymore. Instead of moving forward, you’re stuck in the same place and he seems fine with it.
  2. You’re always waiting for him. He never calls when he says he will or he keeps taking rain-checks on your dates. How much time do you feel like you spend waiting around for this guy? If he’s wasting your time on a regular basis, that’s a lot of time going to this guy who might not be worth it.
  3. You’re always in the verbal boxing ring. If you want different things or you’re frustrated in your relationship, you and the guy might be fighting a lot. This can also point to the fact that issues aren’t getting resolved, leaving you in a pit of anger, resentment, and hostility. Ugh.
  4. You’re left hanging. If he’s giving you mixed signals all the time by being super-interested in you one minute but then going AWOL the next, that’s a huge sign he’s wasting your time. A guy who’s serious about you will make it clear from the get-go and will never give you a reason to doubt him.
  5. You’re chasing him. He’s backing away or hitting the brakes, and you’re the one who ends up having to chase him by initiating contact all the time or asking him out to dates. It’s a lot of effort and probably makes you feel like you’re investing so much into this guy who’s just not meeting you halfway.
  6. You’re not in his future. You might find that whenever he talks about the future, he does so with “I” statements. It feels like never includes you in his visions. Clearly, he’s not thinking in terms of you both having a future together. It’s all about him and what he wants.
  7. You’re being held back. You might be looking forward to next week, next month, next year, and beyond with him, but he’s always trying to bring you back into the present moment. When you invite him to a function two weeks in the future, he says he’ll have to check his schedule and let you know if he can make it. When you suggest a mini holiday in a few months, he says “Maybe.” It’s frustrating and a big sign that he doesn’t want to commit to a future with you.
  8. You’re not being heard. The last thing you want is to date someone who doesn’t acknowledge your feelings and thoughts. If he’s doing this during the early stages of dating, it’s a huge red flag. He’s not investing in you.
  9. You’re not defining things. While you might want to define things, he’s always stalling. He just doesn’t want to define the relationship even though you’ve been dating for a while already. This shows you that he’s trying to stall and could be wasting your time. Why wait for a guy who’s not snapping you up?
  10. You’re always reaching out. Does he seem to hold back? Even though you share all of your internal world with him, does he return the favor? If he’s a big mystery to you and you feel you have to try to get the thoughts and feelings out of him, that shows you that he’s not keen on building emotional intimacy with you.
  11. You’re always hearing about his ex. It’s good to talk about exes early on, but if he’s always harping on about his ex that could show you that his heart’s not open. Even if he’s always saying negative things about her, the fact that she’s always on his mind means that there’s some unfinished business there and he could waste your time by trying to get closure.
  12. You don’t feel comfortable. As you get to know someone better, you should feel like you can settle into the relationship and feel comfortable. If you don’t feel this, or you don’t feel like you can lower your guard, that’s your intuition warning you that he might not be the best choice for a boyfriend. Don’t just write off the feeling.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.