Is It Your Own Fault That You Keep Ending Up With Terrible Men?

Is It Your Own Fault That You Keep Ending Up With Terrible Men? ©iStock/themacx

If every relationship you get yourself into ends up turning into a World War III-esque disaster, you probably consider yourself unlucky in love. You always meet the wrong guys or fall for the jerks — but the truth is, it has nothing to do with luck (bad taste, maybe, but definitely not luck). It takes two people to participate in a crappy relationship, so if all yours end on a bad note, you only have yourself to blame.

  1. You’re the one choosing your partners. Every guy you’ve ever dated was your choice. The cheaters, manipulators and the narcissistic guys were all, at one point or another, everything you wanted. If you ignored the red flags early on in the relationship, it’s your fault it made it to the love phase.
  2. You’re not a victim, but you have no problem acting like it. Acting as though you have no control over the bad things that happen to you when it comes to relationships is a cop-out. You’re not a victim of all these guys, you’re an enabler. You could have taken control and asked for the respect and love you deserve before it went too far but you chose not to.
  3. Luck doesn’t exist. There’s just no such thing as having good luck when it comes to love. You either choose an appropriate mate — one who matches the high standards you’ve set for yourself — or you don’t. It’s that simple.
  4. Your standards aren’t high enough. Dating every guy that asks you out is all good and well, but it’s a good way to land yourself in hot water with someone who’s completely wrong for you. Be more selective with the guys you date and you’ll up your chances at having a decent relationship.
  5. Negativity draws you in. If you keep ending up with succubus-like men, there’s a good chance that negative people or situations just pull you in. Maybe you’re a fixer or the type of girl who likes the damaged guy, but if you don’t change the way you view what and who you need in a relationship, you’ll never change your lack of success in love.
  6. You don’t think you deserve love. If deep down you don’t believe you deserve happiness when it comes to relationships or you’re not good enough for the type of guy you want to be with, you’ll always settle on ones that aren’t good enough for you. Recognize your worth and you’ll be better off.
  7. You have deep rooted issues that you haven’t addressed. The reason you keep choosing men that are completely wrong for you could be because of subconscious issues you have yet to deal with. Whether it be a fear of abandonment or commitment issues, if you don’t figure out your own crap, you’ll always end up going through a bad break up.
  8. You choose your own fate. Destiny, if you believe in that sort of thing, may control who you meet in your life, but you’re the one that controls who you choose to spend time on. If you act as though every relationship was just fate, you’ll never be able to take control of your love life.
  9. Love is a conscious decision. The person you end up with will be someone that you choose to love every single day. The same goes for the person who isn’t good for you. That continued decision to love the wrong person all the while going through hell with them was just that — your decision.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.