I’ve Never Used Social Media & Life Is Weird Because Of It

I’ve Never Used Social Media & Life Is Weird Because Of It ©iStock/hurricanehank

Unlike pretty much everyone I know and have ever met, I just never got into social media. I don’t see the appeal or feel a need to stay in touch with the rest of the world in that way, and I guess I’m a more private person in general. For me, it’s all about texts or face-to-face meet ups, and I couldn’t care less about how “old” that makes me sound. However, life is pretty weird and things are really different when you’re not “connected,” and I see it as a good thing.

  1. You have to make the plans, otherwise you’ll miss the invitation.People kind of forget about you sometimes. Does that sting? No, not at all.
  2. You’re usually the last to hear about new memes. And the last to laugh about them, which makes you the weirdo.
  3. You don’t give a damn about what other people do with their lives. So-and-so married what’s-her-face? OK, cool. No, I don’t want to see the pictures.
  4. You don’t feel the need to share meaningless details about your life with others. You just had some pretty killer pizza, and… well, that’s it. It was some good pizza, and that’s all you have to say.
  5. Never once have you thought, “I really need to post a status update!” And thank God for that.
  6. You don’t feel bad about missing out because you don’t know what you’re missing out on in the first place. Whoa, how did you even come to this conclusion?
  7. It took you a long time to understand what the hell people mean when they say “hashtag” followed by some miscellaneous BS. Seriously, what?
  8. People think you’ve fallen off the face of the Earth. Because if you don’t exist on the interwebs, you don’t exist, apparently.
  9. You know who your “real” friends are, because they remember your birthday and actually text you. “Fake” friends are just those people who act nice to your face but are jerks behind your back.
  10. You have one less thing to worry about when you’re on a job search. No need to worry that anyone will be able to find those drunk photos of you, or any stupid crap you may have posted while drunk. Your reputation is blissfully intact.
  11. You silently nod in agreement whenever you come across someone who “gave up” social media because it made them feel bad about themselves. No crap, Sherlock.
  12. When you’re at an event, you actually pay attention to what’s going on. Instead of being like everyone else and trying to live tweet.
  13. You’ve never wasted hours of your life trying to take and edit the perfect selfie. Because you have a mirror and already know how stupid you look with a duck face.
  14. You don’t obsess over how many people “like” you. You also wish social media had a “hate” button, just because it would be funny.
  15. People are surprised when you tell them you aren’t on social media. It’s like it becomes part of your identity or something.
  16. Your friends constantly ask you why you don’t use it. It gets pretty annoying to keep having to tell people that you just don’t give a rat’s ass about sharing your life with the world, but it’s a great segue into a hearty discussion on existentialism.
  17. You secretly wonder what life is like on the other side, but don’t care enough to create all the accounts. It’s just that there’s so many passwords to remember and all the good usernames have been taken. Ugh…
  18. You haven’t been offended enough yet by a business to actually publicly hate on them. I mean, that waiter was rude, but meh. Not worth it.
  19. You constantly have a debate with yourself over whether or not this is hurting you in the long run. There’s no way to know, though, so you might as well run with it.
Chelsey is a freelance writer in NYC. She's pretty normal by today's standards, or at least that's what her mother tells her.