I Know My Boyfriend Loves Me But I’m Still So Insecure: How To Deal With Low Self-Confidence In Love

It’s a wonderful feeling to be in a relationship with someone who loves you just the way you are and tells you how amazing you are on a regular basis. However, love can’t heal issues with low self-confidence — it’s up to you to feel good in your own skin with or without a partner. If you find that your insecurities are interfering with your relationship, making you feel paranoid or unworthy, here are some things to try to get back on an even keel.

  1. Consider all of your non-physical qualities. You might be insecure about the way that you look, but try not to focus on your physical traits for a little while and think about everything else you bring to the table. You’re a wonderful girlfriend, you’re a great friend, you’re smart, you’re kind, and you’re talented. Embrace all of the things that make you who you are regardless of your appearance and I promise you, you’ll start to see yourself in a new, better light. Beauty starts from within. Don’t let your low self-confidence trick you into ruining your love life by focusing on the wrong things.
  2. Learn how to take a compliment. You’re probably always receiving compliments and not just from your boyfriend. I’m sure your friends and family, maybe even strangers, tell you that you’re beautiful and pay you compliments all of the time so, don’t fight them and just start trying to believe them. When people say nice things about you, your first reaction might be to deny it or brush it off, but the truth is that people are being honest with you. Even if you don’t see it yet, learn to appreciate and trust that what they’re saying is true.
  3. Focus on what you like about yourself. Even if you have a lot of insecurities and things that you wish that you could change about yourself, chances are there’s at least one thing that you do like about yourself. Try your best to focus on the things that you do appreciate about yourself and think of those things whenever the self-deprecating thoughts seem to be taking over. If you can find one good quality about yourself that you like, you have a foundation to build on and you can start working on finding more things about yourself that you love from there.
  4. Remember what’s important in your relationship. Sure, your boyfriend thinks you’re beautiful and perfect even if you don’t, but that’s not the only reason he’s attracted to you. That’s not the only reason that your relationship works well. Think about the other reasons the two of you are right for each other. You have fun together. You trust each other. You never run out of things to talk about. Even if you don’t feel beautiful right now, remember that isn’t the only reason your relationship is great, and trust that the way you feel about yourself will change with time.
  5. Confide in your partner. Communication is one of the best ways to work through emotions in a relationship. Tell your partner how you’re feeling, even if it’s hard to admit that you’re insecure. He cares about you and will support you and comfort you through everything. He will do everything he can to make you feel more secure and better about yourself and he’ll appreciate that you’re being honest with him.
  6. Wear things that make you feel good. It seems like such a simple thing but it can make a huge difference. When you’re wearing something that makes you feel confident and sexy, it completely changes the way you carry yourself. Make sure that the clothes you’re wearing make you feel strong and beautiful and don’t wear anything that doesn’t. It’s a small thing that will make a big difference in your day.
  7. Learn what your love language is as well as your partner’s. If you are lacking something that you need out of your relationship, this can be a cause of insecurity. Love languages are a great way to bond with your partner. If you’re not sure what yours is, do some research and consider the ways that your partner makes you feel loved. Once you know how you receive love the best, make sure that you and your partner are exercising it and if you’re not, be honest and open with them about it.
  8. Get out of your head. The majority of our insecurities that lead to low self-confidence in love (and in life in general) are completely self-created. We build things up in our minds when in reality, people do not see what we see. Do what you can to pull yourself away from that negative self-talk and feel at ease knowing that your boyfriend and all of the people in your life who love you don’t think any of those things. Take a deep breath and banish those pesky thoughts. They’re all in your head.
  9. Let go of your pastMany times, your insecurities are there because of what you’ve been through in past relationships. If you had a partner who made you feel bad about yourself or who constantly tried to change you, those wounds can crop up in your current relationship, even if your boyfriend thinks that you’re amazing and does everything he can to reassure you of his feelings for you. As hard as it can be, you have to leave the past in the past. Those relationships didn’t work out for a reason and your ex’s opinions have no place in your life anymore.
  10. Let yourself enjoy things. Gaining self-confidence in love isn’t going to happen overnight, especially when it’s particularly low. It’s definitely going to be a process that you’ll have to work on for a little while. While you’re learning to feel secure with yourself and see what your partner sees, it’s okay to let yourself bliss out in the meantime. Even if you don’t quite believe it just yet, let your partner tell you how beautiful you are. Let him shower you with love and compliments and enjoy every second of it. You’ll learn to believe those things too but while you’re getting to that point, just rest easy knowing that you have an amazing and supportive partner who thinks it.
Shelby is a journalist and fiction writer raised in the South but built for the big city. She's a book nerd (well, an overall nerd, honestly) and coffee addict and obsessed with all things leather and lacy.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and Media Studies from Sam Houston State University and worked for her university newspaper, The Houstonian, as well as serving as a producer and part-time entertainment anchor for Cable 7 Huntsville. You can follow her on Twitter @shelby777.