You Know He Doesn’t Want Anything Serious — Are You Really OK With That?

You Know He Doesn’t Want Anything Serious — Are You Really OK With That? ©iStock/SrdjanPav

Some guys have learned that being honest about the fact that they don’t want anything serious can work in their favor. They’re not stupid — they know how to treat a girl with respect without ever committing to more than the occasional booty call at the same time. They also know how to make you think you’re totally fine with this casual relationship when in reality, you’re definitely interested in a lot more. So how do you know if you’re really cool with keeping it casual with him?

  1. Has he ever used logic to talk you into something? Yes, you’re both single. And no, you’re not exactly enjoying the dry spell you’re currently smack dab in the middle of. So, doesn’t it make sense to occasionally get laid and not have to deal with the stress of where your relationship is going? Sure, maybe. But logic can’t account for how you’ll actually feel about no-strings-attached sex, and some guys don’t seem to understand that.
  2. Does it bother you when you don’t hear from him for a while? One of the main draws of a casual fling for most guys is the fact that they don’t have to put in any effort to stay in touch. Instead, they can pop in and out of your life when it’s convenient. So, if you’re expecting him to text you good morning every day, prepare to be seriously disappointed.
  3. Do you feel like everything is on his schedule? A mutually enjoyable friends with benefits arrangement should mean you aren’t always waiting around for him to have time for you. You should feel comfortable initiating when the mood strikes — and he should actually show up. If you’re always the one adhering to his schedule, it won’t be long before you start to feel like some kind of sex partner for hire.
  4. Are you ultimately looking for a relationship? It might seem appealing to have someone to satisfy your urges while you continue your search for The One. But you’re probably just wasting valuable time and energy with this guy that you could be spending on something more productive — like learning how to be alone.
  5. Do you daydream about what he’d be like as a boyfriend? You shouldn’t. He’s already told you he doesn’t want anything serious and he’s not lying. You already know what he’s like in bed, so it’s not that much of a stretch to imagine waking up next to him, going to your favorite brunch spot, and spending the weekend together. It’s a slippery slope once you start seeing him as more than the only thing he’ll ever be — a hook-up.
  6. Is he trying to move faster than you’re comfortable with? If he’s not looking for anything serious, he’s not going to spend much time trying to convince you to have sex with him. If you don’t want to, he’ll hop back on Tinder and find a girl who does. Don’t make the mistake of giving him what he wants in an effort to keep him around — you’ll end up just as alone anyway.
  7. Do you think you just have to be patient because he’ll eventually want something more? Has it ever crossed your mind that if you do the casual thing for a while, he’ll eventually fall for you and make you his girlfriend? ABORT. If he says he wants something casual, that’s all he wants — so just take his word for it.
  8. Does a non-monogamous arrangement bother you? Some people figure out a way to make an exclusive, causal arrangement work. But if you’re only sleeping with each other, that’s pretty much a relationship — and that’s probably not what he has in mind. That means he’s going to sleep with other girls sometimes. How does that really make you feel?
  9. Have you told your friends and family about him? Granted, you might tell your friends about even the most casual of sexual relationships, but if you’re talking about more than just the new version of cowgirl you tried the other night, you’re getting in too deep and it’s time to pump the breaks.
  10. Do you think you’ll be able to cut it off if you start to develop feelings? Even in a clearly defined casual relationship, there’s always the possibility of catching feelings for someone. Do you think you’re thinking clearly enough to know what you have to do if that starts to happen? If not, you shouldn’t be going down the casual sex path. At least not right now.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.