I didn’t plan on making him leave his girlfriend and I certainly didn’t cheat with him so that he’d exit his relationship. Still, when we started getting feelings for each other and he told me that he wanted to leave her so he could be with me, I was stupidly flattered.
It felt good to win. I sound really childish, but there was something alluring about being the woman that a guy chose over his current girlfriend. That had never happened to me, but I didn’t realize that it was more of a curse than a blessing.
I got caught up in our new relationship and believed what he said about her. I was so thrilled to be starting a relationship with a guy I’d liked for a long time that I didn’t really think much about the fact that he was ending his other relationship. It’s strange how sometimes love really does blind you. When he told me he was taking her out to dinner to break up with her, I cringed at the thought of what that would be like but then I also tried not to think about it. He made it easy for me because he said that things had been bad in his relationship for a long time and she was probably keen to end things too.
She was devastated by the breakup. He totally underestimated the depth of his girlfriend’s feelings. She was totally heartbroken when he ended things! The experience of breaking up with her and witnessing her emotions screwed him up and he totally disappeared on me. He texted me to tell me he’d ended the relationship and then sort of went AWOL. He didn’t come over like I thought he would since we were free to do our own thing now. He didn’t even text me for the next day. What was going on?!
I called him up and demanded answers. I feared he was about to ghost me or get back with his ex or something so I called him on the phone. He said he was sorry for being distant but the breakup was harder than he thought it would be. Still, he reassured me that he wasn’t having second thoughts about us and he still wanted to be with me. He was just torn up because of how badly his ex took things.
It was a serious wakeup call. I felt so bad for his ex that it started to make getting the guy feel a lot more bittersweet. From feeling on top of the world, now I was landing back down to earth, and it was a rough landing. I tried to focus on the positives, like the fact that I could finally be with this guy. He was my boyfriend, no one else’s, and that did feel good. We really cared about each other and wanted to be together. We started dating officially and then… things got worse.
It just didn’t feel the way I expected. I thought I’d be totally blissed out on this new relationship, and why shouldn’t I have expected to feel that? The guy was awesome, great in bed, and I felt loads of chemistry for him. However, I just couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt and overall bad karma. Although I hadn’t cheated with him when he was in his previous relationship, we had feelings for each other for a long time. Isn’t that micro-cheating? Ugh. All the time we were having feelings for each other, he was lying to his GF about how much he wanted to be with her.
I couldn’t shake the bad feeling. When we told people our “how we got together” story, it made me feel ashamed. I started telling them we met on a dating app instead. I always felt like in his ex’s eyes, I was the bad guy. In a way, I was the one to pull him away, even though I know you can’t actually steal someone away from another person. They make a choice to walk away, but still. As my mother always says, “You can’t build happiness on someone else’s misery.”
I feared it would happen to me. Again, he didn’t cheat on his ex but he did choose someone else over her. What if that happened to me? What if he did that to me when someone else came along? I felt like bad karma was surrounding me and it wouldn’t budge. But there was a bigger reason for the darkness I felt like I was carrying around with me.
His ex tried to take her life. One day, my BF and I were chilling at my house when he got a call that his ex was in the hospital. She tried to kill herself because she was so depressed and hurt about the breakup. Oh no. That was so devastating for me and it really put a black cloud over our relationship. I didn’t want to be in it anymore because I just hated the whole situation in which we found ourselves and he agreed that things were way too complicated for us to be together.
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