As Long As These 10 Milestones Happen In Your Relationship, The Timing Doesn’t Matter

You’ve heard all kinds of arbitrary timelines for when a guy should have “The Talk” with you (preferably within two months of your first date) and when you should go on your first trip (probably within six months to a year), but do those timeframes really matter? The answer is definitely no. The timing of these 10 relationship milestones doesn’t matter, as long as they happen at some point:

  1. The first time you spend the night This doesn’t have to be the first time that you two have sex, of course. The right guy won’t expect anything from you and would love nothing more than for you to sleepover even if sex isn’t on the table just yet. It’s enough just to be with you. The first time that you spend the night will hopefully happen within the first few months, since you might wonder if something is up, but it doesn’t matter if it takes three weeks or six. If he’s worth dating, he’ll want you to be comfortable staying over at his place, and he’ll leave the timing up to you.
  2. The first time that you really feel like his girlfriend This is a much more important milestone than having the talk and making things official, although of course that matters, too. This is the first moment that you get that “Holy crap, I’m his girlfriend and he’s my boyfriend and this is totally amazing” feeling. Whether you’re grocery shopping on a random Sunday afternoon or he’s making a sweeping romantic gesture, you get this warm and cozy feeling, and it’s the best. This might happen after a month or it might happen after a week. It depends on how slow or fast you want to move. It’s all good.
  3. The first time you hang out with his friends Some people think that this should happen before you meet his fam because the idea is that a guy’s friend group matters more. That may or may not be true for your guy. All that matters is that you two are integrated into each other’s lives at some point. Sure, it’s weird AF if he won’t introduce you to his friends and it’s been a year, but there are all kinds of logistical issues that come up. Maybe his best childhood friend still lives in his hometown and his college friends are all over. It might not be possible to meet them all right away, and it doesn’t mean that he’s not serious about you.
  4. When you’re introduced to his mom, dad, and siblings The same thing goes for his family. It might be super easy for you to invite him to have dinner with your parents if they live in the same city as you. His might be a few hours away, so it might take a few months before you get to see where he comes from. No big deal. As long as you meet his family within a reasonable time period and there’s a logical explanation about why you haven’t yet, it doesn’t mean anything.
  5. When you start seeing each other every single day Some couples are basically attached at the hip from the very start. They’re so close, they’re practically living together. Others take a bit longer to get into that comfortable cohabitation groove. It’s a pretty big deal when you and your boyfriend decide that you really can’t live without each other and want to be together every moment that you can. You can’t even imagine not falling asleep next to each other every night and waking up together every morning. But just because your BFF did that with her boyfriend after one month doesn’t mean you have to. You might need a bit more time to get comfy, and that’s totally okay.
  6. When you talk about your love history This conversation is always tough to have. It sucks to realize that your boyfriend kissed other women before you (ugh) and that maybe he even loved people other than you (double ugh). But you’re definitely curious about his most recent ex-girlfriend, especially since you’ve seen some Facebook photos of her and maybe even heard vague stories from mutual friends. He for sure feels the same way about your past relationships. Whether you share this stuff upfront or want to wait until you’re more serious is completely up to you… as long as you do discuss it.
  7. Your first holiday season as a couple Maybe you’re serious enough to go home with him for the holidays mere months after you first start dating, or maybe it takes a year before that happens. There’s literally no reason to feel bad about the timing of this milestone. The important thing is that you two have enough time to bond and connect and make each other a part of your lives.
  8. When you have to talk about something awkward The definition of “awkward” is subjective, of course. What freaks you out might seem like no big deal to the next girl. After you have an awkward talk with your new partner, you feel like a massive weight has been lifted from your shoulders. It proves to you that he cares about you and that you can tell him anything and he’ll be fine with it.
  9. When something weird happens in the bedroom Because it totally will. And there’s no shame about that. Weird noises, embarrassing mishaps — they happen to everyone. As long as you two can smile and laugh about it and keep trying, it’s all good. This is a huge bonding moment, so whether you’re all hot and heavy for the first few months and then something embarrassing occurs in bed or something weird happens from the very start isn’t important.
  10. The first time you fight… and move on Learning your boyfriend’s fighting style is pretty telling. Does he hold a grudge forever or want to talk things through? Once you have your first argument and move on from it, you know that you can communicate properly and handle everything… and that’s probably the most important thing of all.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.