When I first started dating my current boyfriend after being friends with him for several years, he admitted that he kind of always assumed I’d was a prude. Apparently just by looking at me, he said he couldn’t even picture me having sex. I love that since then I’ve completely proved him wrong.
- I’ll get freaky, but it has to be with someone I love and trust. Now that my boyfriend has gotten to know me in the bedroom, he likes to refer to me as a “monogamous whore.” I love having the freedom to be totally uninhibited but for me, it takes a certain level of trust to bring that side of me out into the open. Once I’m comfortable and I’m in love with someone, I’m ready to let the games begin.
- Communication is key. I have to set boundaries, both for myself and for my boyfriend. I try to make these clear before we’re ready to go; the last thing I want to do is kill the mood. I try not to worry about that as much because if neither of us is comfortable, the nerves will take over and being adventurous will turn into being awkward. Plus, there’s no rule that says I can’t turn the boundary talk dirty! I’ve learned that practically anything can sound dirty if it’s whispered breathlessly in someone’s ear.
- Something as simple as changing up routine goes a long way. Even on the nights I don’t want to get completely crazy, I still don’t always go for vanilla sex. I’ve found that even switching from the bed to the kitchen becomes a little freaky. I’ll utilize some spatulas while we’re in there or grab some chocolate sauce or whipped cream. I’ve also found that even if the sex didn’t begin as some sideshow event, once we’ve changed the venue, sometimes the weirdness comes out naturally. Surprises are always welcome, in my book.
- I have to be open to suggestion. Just because I was the one trying to shred the prude label didn’t mean my boyfriend didn’t want to try and throw me off occasionally. I could have sat back and turned down the scenarios he brought up that seemed too far but I was so on board. The more I was open to, the more comfortable we became and it became less and less of us bringing things up and more of us just saying something and diving right in.
- I also had to be vocal about what I wanted. There needed to be an even playing field, so I threw caution to the wind and came up with my own suggestions. I try really hard to not be afraid I’ll sound too weird or push anything too far, but that’s the point of doing it within my relationship. We already have trust between us so even if I mention something that’s a little too “out there,” we can typically find a way to make it work on a different scale. There have even been moments where I’ve even suggested something I wasn’t completely sure I’d be into and it turns out, I was.
- I’m a firm believer that sex SHOULD be an adventure. Sometimes sex becomes just part of the deal. You’re with someone for so long, you have sex a few times a week, and it simply flows. I don’t mind the normal before bed sex at all, but in the interest of keeping things hot and growing closer as a couple, my boyfriend and I make it a point to not become too lazy with our intimacy. We both have to be proactive but soon enough that becomes the deal itself. The more we explore, the more we find we like and the more we want to get busy. It almost becomes a challenge to see what new things we can find to try!
- Awkward moments come, but it’s all about how they’re handled. I can’t say I haven’t had my share of mishaps in trying thing some may deem as weird. Not everything is like the movies, you guys. I’ve made weird noises, or rather, my body has, and I’ve fallen off of more counters and tables than I can count, but I don’t let that stop me. I can laugh it off but I keep it brief as to not take myself out of the moment. I find acknowledging the incident and then going forward as if it was part of the show keeps my boyfriend and I in the mindset and we don’t have time to focus on any embarrassment, we just want to get to the climax of course.
- I’ve really learned to trust my instincts. That term “go with your gut” is super important to me when it comes down to the direction the sex is going on a particular night. Sometimes, regular sex is on the menu. When it’s not one of those times, the instinct is still an important factor. If I can tell he’s feeling aggressive, I let him go to town. If I’ve had a stressful day, it’s my turn to take the reins and make him do whatever I want. When I’ve been with someone long enough, most of these gut feelings are accurate and so it doesn’t require much talking about what to do, so I can save the talking for while we’re doing it, and that is a very, very good thing.