I Love My Boyfriend But Hate Having Sex With Him

My boyfriend is amazing. He’s kind, funny, generous and just the greatest guy in the world. There’s just one problem: our sex life is dull and I’m pretty sure it’s all his fault.

  1. It’s not as exciting as it used to be. In the beginning, it felt so naughty when we got down, but now it feels almost clinical. I’m not saying the spark is gone because we’re still attracted to each other, I just long for the days when sex was actually exciting for us and felt almost dangerous.
  2. He never wants to try new things. I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to sex. I want to try all the new positions, toys, and techniques, whereas my boyfriend isn’t so much into that weird, kinky stuff. When he says no to my suggestions, I’m thinking, why wouldn’t someone want to get the FULL experience instead of just staying inside the sexual box? Sex is meant to be playful and fun. It’s called adult play for a reason! Come on, let’s get wild!
  3. Other issues in our relationship leak into our sex life. When you’ve been with someone for a while, sex becomes a form of currency in the relationship. If he cleans the dishes, I’ll have sex with him. If he takes too long, I’ll get annoyed at how selfish he is. Now I get why people go through phases of casual sex. They don’t want to have to deal with the messy human emotions.
  4. He doesn’t care about his hygiene anymore. He used to brush his teeth and wash his hands before sex but now he just can’t be bothered. I hate how sensitive I am about this, but when I know he’s not clean, it’s harder for me to let go. Maybe some women like their men dirty, but I like mine squeaky clean.
  5. He’s not the best at it. Ha! I guess this one is obvious, but let’s just say he’s not exactly an expert in the sack. I guess I like him for his personality. Maybe if he would broaden his horizons a bit, he would get better at it. I’m just sayin’…
  6. He’s never gotten me off through P.I.V. I know it’s normal for women to not be able to get off through intercourse alone, but I know it’s not just me because I’ve gotten off with other guys and never with him. Who knows why — it could be psychological or it could be the hardware we’re working with. I just think that if anyone could make me orgasm through penetrative sex, it should be my boyfriend, right?
  7. He’s completely silent. He doesn’t say a single word and sometimes I wish he wasn’t as shy as he is in bed. The occasional sexy phrase really gets me going to the point that I’ll even say dirty talk to myself in my head to get myself horny. Is that weird? Well I know he’s not gonna do it.
  8. He goes too fast. I’ve never outright told him this, but the key to getting me off doesn’t lie in pounding me like a jackhammer. I like going fast sometimes, but not all the time. I need variation in speed in order to orgasm. It’s no wonder I haven’t yet…
  9. He always just assumes he’s going to get it. I get annoyed at him when he acts like he’s automatically entitled to sex from me whenever he feels like it. It makes me not want to give it to him. I know that I should always want to have sex with my boyfriend and I do most of the time. I would just appreciate a little gratitude and appreciation every now and then.
  10. He doesn’t let me touch his butt. This is kinda silly but I really wish he would let me try butt stuff on him. He assumes that he won’t like it but how does he know if he’s never tried it? It would add a whole new dimension to our sex life and I guarantee that he would end up liking it.
  11. He can’t act sexy. My boyfriend is definitely not what you would call sexy. He’s a bit of a goof and would definitely laugh in my face if I ever talked dirty to him or pretended to be a sexy mistress. I love how silly and funny he is, but I wish that he took sex more seriously. It can be really fun to play out that side of yourself, but unfortunately I just don’t think he has it in him.
  12. He doesn’t know when to stop. One thing my boyfriend does is that he’ll pick a thing to do (like oral) and do it to death. I like switching up activities throughout the session and even if I didn’t orgasm from one thing, who cares? Move on to something else because chances are I’ll come from that. He seems to get stuck on a goal though and doesn’t even care if it’s not working for me.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.