Is It Lust Or Love? 10 Signs What You Have With Him Is Real

Just because you’re having amazing sex with a guy doesn’t mean you have a real connection. There’s something to be said for physical chemistry, but it doesn’t compare to real, lasting love. You want to jump his bones every time you see each other, sure, but is that because you’re in lust with him or actual love? Here are some signs that what you have is the real deal:

  1. You’re affectionate in little ways. He kisses your forehead more than he kisses your lips, you hold hands when you’re out in public, and you cuddle when you’re alone watching TV — all sure signs that there’s something more than sex going on. It doesn’t matter who’s around — you guys have no problem putting your affection on full display. If it was just lust, your relationship would be way more on the down low. Instead, you want people to know you’re spending time together — you’re proud of your relationship!
  2. You hang out outside of the bedroom. You don’t just hang out at night when he’s horny — you see each other all the time. You never wonder whether or not you’ll hear from him because you’re pretty much in constant contact — and you’re not always the one initiating it.  You can tell it’s more than just lust by how much time you spend together NOT having sex. If a majority of your time together is spent outside of the bedroom, there’s something good going on.
  3. He motivates you to be a better person. When you’re around him, it feels like everything’s right with the world. He makes you feel like the most amazing person — he builds you up with genuine compliments and good vibes. For some reason, he’s the only person who can give you the confidence and courage you need to take on life. Everything he says, you take to heart — you trust him that much. When you’re together, you feel like a better, fuller person — you need that in your life.
  4. Your friends think you’re together. All of your friends and family know about him. They may not know all the naughty bits, but they know you two have some sort of relationship. Even though you don’t call him your boyfriend, your friends identify him as such. How could they not? You guys are together every weekend and most weekdays — you spend more time together than most couples. He’s caught feelings for you and you’ve done the same — embrace that crap!
  5. Your conversations are real and often get deep. You don’t just talk about sex — your conversations go way deeper than that. He asks you questions about your life and you show an interest in his. If it was purely just about the physical, you wouldn’t care that he had a bad day at work. All you’d care about was whether or not he was ready for a quick rendezvous, but it’s more than that. You go to him for advice because he’s one of the only people you actually trust, and the same is true for him. This relationship is the most stable one you’ve ever had, and it’s because of how comfortable you are with him — that’s a rare feeling.
  6. When he talks about his future, you’re in it and vice versa. When you think about your future, he’s a key person in it. It’s not just you — he includes you in his plans for next weekend, next month, and even next year. The idea of not being together in a few months hasn’t even crossed your minds. That sounds a whole lot like love. Does he say “we” more than he says “I”? Do you? That’s an obvious sign that you’ve both caught feelings and plan on sticking around for a while.
  7. You feel a sense of commitment. Forget talking to other guys — he’s the only one you’re focused on right now. Even though you two aren’t “technically” dating, it sure feels like it. When people ask if you’re single, you shrug your shoulders and quickly change the subject. You don’t know how to answer that question! He’s not your boyfriend, but you have no interest in spending time with anyone else — I wonder why?
  8. You’ve met his family. Not only have you met his parents, you’ve hung out with them on multiple occasions. No guy takes introducing a girl to his family lightly — it’s a big deal. He’s proud to show you off, and it’s because he knows you’re more than just a fling. You’re a girl he plans on keeping around for a long time. Why else would he introduce you to the most important people in his life? You’re more than someone he occasionally sleeps with — you’re a person he can’t picture a life without.
  9. You want to see him more than you want to sleep with him. You think about him constantly. He pops in your head randomly, and going a day without seeing him is incredibly unappealing. Yes, you want to sleep with him, but that’s not all you want — you just want to see his stupid face! You want to know what he’s doing and whether or not he’s thinking about you too. No way you two are “just friends.”
  10. You’re not just lovers, you’re friends. You guys have a connection that goes past lust. You can spend intimate time with him without feeling awkward. You can show affection, speak your mind, and hang out in a way that’s comfortable and healthy. Your relationship is better than the couples you see every single day. He’s your best friend… that you sleep with. Newsflash: That’s what a boyfriend is!
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.