If He Makes You Feel Like A Burden, Walk Away

You’re not a burden. Nothing you do, say, or expect makes you a burden and any guy who treats you as such, for whatever stupid reason he might have up his sleeve, is literally not worth your time. Not only that, but he absolutely, positively doesn’t deserve you.

  1. Your feelings are valid. If any guy makes you feel like your feelings are a burden, show him the door. Your feelings—all of them, even the ones that might make you throw a plate—are completely valid. Your feelings deserve to be heard and respected; not be given an eye roll or a facial expression that all but says, “Ugh. Not again.”
  2. Your opinions matter. If a guy makes you feel like a burden, then there’s a good chance he’s treating your opinions like they don’t matter. Well, breaking news: they do. It’s important to have opinions in this world, because it shows you’re paying attention and have standards. Opinions aren’t burdens; opinions mean you have a pulse.
  3. It’s totally normal to have expectations. All expectations, even the ones that might seem a little high, have a place and are part of any relationship. To not have expectations for your partner, yourself, and your relationship is to basically say you don’t care and have given up. Expectations aren’t a burden. They’re actually a very important component of life.
  4. Your needs deserve to be met. Aside from basic needs, we all have needs in our relationship. We need our partner to step up to the plate when we’re sad, we need them to be on our side when it feels like the world’s against us, and we need to them to give a damn. These aren’t a lot of things to ask of someone who’s supposed to be your partner. If he’s acting like your needs are a burden then he’s a total jerk.
  5. Your suspicions have a place. If you’re the type of person who’s easily made jealous, there’s probably a good reason for that. Whether you’re jealous because you think your partner is up to no good or because everyone else in his life is seeing more of him than you, then your jealousy doesn’t just have a place, but might even be warranted. Being jealous should never be seen as a burden; it should be heard and discussed so you can rest easy.
  6. You’re allowed to want things from your partner. You’re not just allowed to want things, but you’re supposed to want things from your partner. You’re supposed to want them to understand you, want them to be there for you, want them to show up on time, want them to call when they say they’re going to, and want them to want you—I mean, these are minimal wants, to be honest. Wanting things from your partner is far from a burden. It’s regular ol’ relationship material. Anyone who thinks otherwise clearly doesn’t get how relationships work.
  7. Your fears deserve to be heard. We all have fears. While fears may vary in how much they affect our lives, from fearing a spider to fearing death, our fears deserve to be heard. So if you try to tell your partner about your fears and he treats them like they’re just another pain in the butt for him, say adieu. Your fears, no matter how small, deserve to be heard and taken seriously.
  8. Your presence is a gift. You don’t have to have a skyrocketing ego to know that your presence is a gift. It’s most especially a gift to any guy who’s lucky enough to get your attention for more than five minutes. If he doesn’t see that to be the case, then he’s blind, deaf, and silly. Bye, Felipe.
  9. You should be recognized. Just today I watched a guy wave off his female partner as if she were a fly buzzing around his head, as opposed to his partner. WTF? No, no way, no how, screw him. You’re not an interruption, you’re not a distraction, and you’re certainly not a damn fly. You deserve to always be recognized, because obviously you have something to say and that something is awesome.
  10. Your concerns shouldn’t be dismissed. It doesn’t matter if you’re concerned with the future of your relationship or getting to work on time because the metro system is under construction (for the 10th year in a row), your concerns should never be dismissed. When your partner dismisses your concerns, he’s essentially dismissing you, saying that he doesn’t care about what might be bothering you. Not OK. To not care about what’s bothering you is to treat you like a burden—something you are not.
  11. Your existence is worth a lot. Just the fact that you exist is exciting. The fact that you wake up every morning, breathe, function, choose the blue sweater instead of the red sweater, and even scowl at the loud-talker in the line at the coffee shop on your way to work – these are all worth something and are far from a burden. If any guy treats any aspect of your existence as a burden, it’s not just that he doesn’t deserve you, but he deserves a verbal smackdown as you wave goodbye.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.