Making Guy Friends Feels Impossible Because They All Think I’m Hitting On Them

Making new female friends is hard enough, but trying to get a dude to come over to your place for some wine and cheese without them thinking you’re looking for a quick hookup is pretty much impossible. I’d love to have more guy friends but they all think I want to be more than that and it’s driving me nuts.

  1. The mood always shifts when they find out I’m singleA little friendly conversation is fine at first, especially since most guys assume I already have a boyfriend. When they find out I don’t, one of two things happens: they either think something’s wrong with me or are convinced I’m looking for something romantic with them. The belief that men and women can’t be friends seems really rampant among the male species, in my experience, and it’s really frustrating.
  2. Politeness is the same thing as flirtation for a lot of guys. I meet a new guy at a party or out somewhere and strike up a conversation because I’m a friendly person who wants to strike up an interesting conversation with someone new. Unfortunately, to most guys, there’s nothing innocent about it. I just want to pet their dog or comment on their Game of Thrones t-shirt and they just want my number so we can “hang out” sometime.
  3. People watch me like a hawk when I so much as talk to a guy. I’ve noticed friends and acquaintances staring at me when I talk to a guy. They assume that I must be trying to bag him since I’m single and desperate to find a boyfriend (in their eyes anyway). I couldn’t possibly just have a normal conversation with a guy; I must be flirting because all single women care about is not being single anymore.
  4. I get accused of leading guys on a lot. It’s obviously my fault if I have a conversation with a guy and then awkwardly turn him down when he wants to turn it into something more. Although I never said I wanted to go out with him or even hook up, I’m suddenly the cruel temptress luring guys into a web of polite chats and weird talks of “friendship.”
  5. Single guys seem offended when I talk to guys who aren’t. I’ve literally a dude remind me that the guy I was talking to about the property market already had a girlfriend. I wasn’t trying to move in with the guy, I was genuinely interested in the fluctuation of housing prices. However, the single guy seemed really upset about not being the focus of my attention. It was like, “Hello! You’re wasting your time. I’m the single one. Talk to me!” No thanks.
  6. If I so much as touch a guy on his arm, he considers it an invitation to put his hand on my thigh. Touching a guy briefly on the arm as a gesture of support or congratulations seems to be an invitation for inappropriate advances when you’re single. I can’t tell you how often I have to put guys in their place for assuming that a friendly pat on the back was a green light for him to be all over me.
  7. Even eye contact is too much for some guys to handle. I once caught a guy’s eye at the mall and thought nothing of it. I ended up seeing him again in the parking lot, where he offered me a ride home. Uh, what? I didn’t even smile at the dude and he wanted me to get in his car?
  8. I end up being labeled a flirt when I’m anything but. Talk to girls while I’m single and I’m friendly; talk to guys while I’m single and I’m flirty. Stick on the safe side and don’t talk to any guys while I’m single? Now I’m an unapproachable bitch. While men are free to talk to anyone at any time, women have to play it safe and make sure other women are around when speaking to the opposite sex if we value our reputation. It’s so frustrating!
  9. People feel sorry for me because they assume I’m desperate. That poor, lonely woman talking to guys she doesn’t know, trying to get a date from someone, anyone! My eyes roll so hard they get stuck at the top of my eyelids whenever I hear crap like this. I’m not talking to guys because I want to find a boyfriend, I’m talking to them because I’m trying to diversify my friend group. Why is this so hard to understand?
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia