What To Do When The Man Of Your Dreams Turns Out To Be A Nightmare

When a guy seems like he’s everything you’ve ever wanted, it’s natural to get excited. But that joy can turn into despair when it turns out he’s not the person you thought he was. This is what you need to do if your fairy tale turns out to be a horror story:

  1. Let yourself feel how you want to feel. It’s okay to be upset. You were duped by someone you had begun to trust. He presented himself as someone he wasn’t, and you’re going to have strong emotions about that betrayal. It’s okay to let yourself cry and mourn the dream you thought you’d finally achieved.
  2. Try not to live in denial. Don’t try to make excuses for him. If he’s not loving you the way you deserve, you owe it to yourself to get out of the situation. You may hope that he’ll go back to the way he was, but this is him showing you his true colors.
  3. Give yourself a break. Don’t beat yourself up for not seeing him for who he truly is. It’s not your fault. There are a lot of guys out there who are masters at giving good impressions. They can’t keep it up forever, though, and eventually they show who they really are. Don’t worry that you suck at picking men. Just learn from the experience and try to use your acquired knowledge next time around.
  4. Force yourself to think realistically. The real danger here lies in your ability to mind-screwed yourself. You can bend and twist the facts a million different ways in order to justify his actions. Don’t fall into the trap. You know that he’s no good for you, so don’t try to convince yourself that there was any reason for him to have behaved the way he did.
  5. Don’t bother trying to fix it. He was the one who ruined everything, so he’s the one responsible for cleaning up the disaster he left behind. It’s not your job to try to make things better, especially when he clearly has no interest in doing so. No matter how much you care, no matter what you do, you can’t change that. It’s not your mess anymore, so let him go.
  6. Stop over-analyzing it. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why he changed so much, but it’s not worth trying to go back over every single detail trying to remember when it all went wrong and why. The fact is that this guy isn’t who you thought he was. You don’t need to know anything more than that.
  7. Extract yourself from the situation. This is important for your happiness alone, but it’s nothing short of crucial if you’re at all worried about your safety. You need to get out of there by any means necessary, and you need to be smart about it. Bring your friends along to collect your stuff from his place if you feel like he’ll get angry with you. The sooner you’re away from him, the sooner you’ll be happy again.
  8. Be very clear with him. He needs to know that his behavior isn’t okay. Maybe he’s had other girls that let him get away with it, but you can’t be one of them. You tell him how he’s made you feel and that you’re not going to take his crap anymore. He might not give a crap, but at least you stood up for yourself. Hopefully, he won’t do the same thing to another girl after you.
  9. Utilize the support of your friends. If you’re afraid you aren’t strong enough to leave him on your own, ask your friends for their help. They’re outside the situation and almost definitely see this guy for who he truly is. When you’re faltering and reconsidering your choice to get out of there, they’ll be there to give you strength and remind you that you’re way too good to stick with this loser.
  10. Take some time for yourself. This was a traumatic experience, and it was made worse because you didn’t see it coming. Once you’ve removed yourself from your dream-turned-nightmare, give yourself the love that he wouldn’t. If you neglect your own well-being, you won’t be able to heal and move on like you should.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.