11 Bad Things That Happen When You’re TOO Nice

There’s nothing wrong with being kind and considerate, but if you’re too nice, you’re entering dangerous water. You’re putting yourself out there to accommodate other people, but what about your needs? The truth is, there are many upsetting things that can happen when you’re someone who’s got a reputation for being “too nice.” Here’s a rundown of 11 of them so you can stop being this person and start to get taken seriously for a change.

1. You’re Spoken Down To.

As someone who’s been “too nice” for too long, I’ve been on the receiving end of many insulting comments, such as, “Oh, you’re so sweet!” Once, someone even told me I was a “soft” person. Ugh. It’s easy to feel like you’re not taken seriously because you’re seen as nothing deeper than the nice girl.

2. You Get Taken Advantage Of.

Being nice means that you’re accustomed to helping others and supporting them. You’re the person who’ll lose sleep at night because you’re helping a friend who’s in an emergency situation or you’re the person who’ll spend hours talking to a friend who’s going through a bad breakup without complaining that you’re losing sleep. Sadly, when friends are toxic, they could take advantage of this and use you.

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4. You Struggle With Saying “No.”

If you can’t help someone, you might feel guilty about saying “no” to them. This could make you bite your tongue and do what’s asked of you because you don’t want to risk confrontation or ruffling anyone’s feathers. But the problem with this is that you’ll end up doing things you don’t want to do, and that’s not healthy or fun!

5. You Put Others’ Needs Ahead Of Your Own.

If you’re too nice, you’ll worry about everyone else’s needs and put yours onto the back-burner. For example, even though you need alone time in a relationship, you’ll spend lots of time with your partner who’s an extrovert to make them happy. That’s not cool. Over time, you could feel depressed and even become resentful.

6. You Lose Yourself In The Relationship.

Giving a lot of your time and energy to a romantic relationship can cause you to lose yourself in it. You’re focusing on the other person and making them take the lead, but are you ignoring yourself? What about your values and likes or dislikes? Don’t be a clone of your partner just because you’re too nice.

7. You Go With Other People’s Flow.

The problem with being a martyr, whether in your romantic or platonic relationships, is that you go with what everyone else wants, whether that’s where to go for dinner or what activities to do together. You’re a “yes” woman, driftwood going along with the flow of everyone else’s river. You support their goals and maybe even neglect your own to do this. Woah! You’re supposed to be in control of your own life – let them follow you for a change!

8. You Lack Energy For Your Life.

By giving so much of your energy and time to other people, you might be making other people happy but you won’t be happy because you’ll lack the energy and time you need to make yourself happy. You’ll be too depleted to work on your goals and things that make you feel good. All that precious energy is being wasted!

9. You Attract Toxic Partners.

If you’re wearing a big sign that says you’re super nice, chances are you’re going to attract toxic partners. They’ll be drawn to your incessant need to help others and bail them out of problems, so don’t be surprised when they’re asking you for rent money or to use your car or crash on your couch. It goes on and on…

10. Your Niceness Is Misunderstood As Weakness.

The sad thing is that being too nice makes you get seen as weak by some people. You don’t have boundaries in place and you don’t stand up for yourself. This sends the message that you’re a doormat who’ll let anyone walk all over them. See how that can be appealing to manipulators? Exactly.

11. You’re Mistaken For A Manipulator.

Another misunderstanding that can arise if you’re too nice is that some people could see you as a manipulator. They’re suspicious of someone who’s always smiling and polite, or who’ll be kind no matter what. They start to wonder if they’re being pranked or taken advantage of. It’s common to assume that someone too nice is fake or a narcissist. (Maybe you’ve even dumped someone for being too nice.)

12. Your Stress Levels Go Through The Roof.

Being everything for everyone means that you’re not only depleting your energy, but this situation causes you to feel anxious and stressed. You’re always rushing around for everyone and ignoring your self-care. You’re not sleeping well ’cause you’re always there for your BF who wants to talk ’til dawn. This is taxing for your mental, physical, and emotional health. It’s time to look after yourself, ladies. Who else is going to?

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.