I’ll Basically Marry Any Dude Who Does One Of These Rare Things

I won’t go as far to say that chivalry is completely dead, but it’s definitely not what it used to be. My grandmother used to tell me stories about the dating experience in the ’50s and it actually made me mad. Men used to be such gentlemen. Where did we go wrong? All I want is for a guy who’ll do these things and I’m sold.

  1. He plans exciting and fun dates. Of course, what I want to do on dates matters, but when a guy takes the time to come up with something fun and different for us to do on our dates, especially our first date, it’s such a lovely surprise. If I had a dollar for every time I got into a guy’s car and was immediately asked where I wanted to go, I’d be a pretty wealthy woman by now. It’s nice to just get to go along for the ride once in a while. It also shows how much a guy wants to impress me by how much thought and planning he puts into our date ideas.
  2. He tries to impress my friends and family. How a guy acts around my family and friends is extremely telling about his feelings for me. A guy who sees a future with me also sees the people that matter to me in our future together. If he goes above and beyond to remember details about my family and my close friends and noticeably tries to impress them, it’s safe to say he’ll always respect them. I want a guy who will get along with everyone I love too.
  3. He doesn’t make our relationship all about the physical. Maybe we’ve slept together, maybe we haven’t gotten that far yet. Either way, our relationship should be based off more than a physical and sexual connection. A lot of guys think that once you’ve slept with them, you’ll automatically be DTF every single time you’re together, and that’s not always the case. Even if we haven’t had sex yet, if all he wants to do is make out and fondle, it gets old real fast. Believe it or not, there are still guys out there that just want to spend time with you even if you’re not getting hot and heavy. That’s the kind of guy I’m holding out for.
  4. He clearly respects women. He doesn’t have to openly call himself a feminist—some guys just aren’t there yet. However, if it’s pretty obvious from the get-go that he respects women and believes in treating them well and like the ladies they are while still treating them as equals, I’ll know I’ve got myself a winner. When a guy respects me and every other woman he encounters, it’s safe to assume that’s the kind of father he would be to our hypothetical daughter down the line. I think we all hope that our future daughters have fathers who want them to feel empowered and unstoppable.
  5. He remembers tiny details about me. If the guy I’m seeing remembers the little stuff, he’s definitely pretty smitten. I’m not just talking about my birthday and favorite color, but rather the really tiny, seemingly insignificant details. If he remembers my favorite ice cream flavor, my coffee order, or my middle name, these are the details that indicate that he doesn’t just want to know me on a basic, surface level. He wants to know me inside and out. He just might be a keeper!
  6. He goes the extra mile, literally and figuratively. A lot of men have become lazy when it comes to dating over the years and they don’t want to take the little extra bit of time to make their lady feel special and loved. If a guy goes out of his way to drive me everywhere and pick me up every time we go out, I’ve found that to be pretty telling. So many guys will just expect you to meet them halfway or come to them. We’ve all received the infamous “come thru?” text at 11:30 p.m. on a Wednesday night. No thanks. I’m looking for a man who thinks I’m worth taking the time to drive to me, pick me up, and take me out.
  7. He respects my need for personal space. As an introverted extrovert, I need a consistent blend of people time and alone time. I’m an artist who thrives off of that peace and quiet where I can write, read, and meditate on my own. The perfect boyfriend wants to be around me as much as he can but also respects the fact that I’m still an individual and I need space to just be by myself and do my own thing. Ideally, he would understand perfectly because he would have the same need, so that part of our relationship would be automatically understood.
  8. He considers my future plans as well as his own. A scary thing about getting seriously involved with someone when you’re young is that your future plans won’t match up with theirs. I want to find my soulmate but at the same time, I don’t want to have to give up on any big dreams I’ve had for myself like moving across the country for my dream job. If a guy I’m dating considers what I want when he thinks about his own future plans and tries to mentally configure a solution that would align both of our dreams, I consider it to be a very good sign and an indicator that he could be “The One.” There’s still a large percentage of men who think that their partner will just come along with them wherever they go happily and won’t have any goals of our own. I want a guy who assumes I have my own master plan for my life and wants to help me achieve it.
Shelby is a journalist and fiction writer raised in the South but built for the big city. She's a book nerd (well, an overall nerd, honestly) and coffee addict and obsessed with all things leather and lacy.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and Media Studies from Sam Houston State University and worked for her university newspaper, The Houstonian, as well as serving as a producer and part-time entertainment anchor for Cable 7 Huntsville. You can follow her on Twitter @shelby777.