When my boyfriend and I moved in together, we decided to rent a two-bedroom apartment so that each of us could have our own room. Lots of our friends were shocked—wasn’t spending every waking and sleeping moment together the whole point of shacking up? We understand that it’s not every couple’s ideal living situation, but this is why I recommend it to other couples who want to live together.
You each have your own space.
No matter how much you love each other, sometimes you just need your own personal area to read, draw, or just decompress. When every room in the house is a shared space, it’s easy to feel trapped, especially if you’re more introverted. Having separate rooms gives both of you a place to call your own even when you’re spending most of your time at home with each other.
If things go wrong, you aren’t stuck sleeping together.
By the time you move in together, you’re probably hoping that this relationship is going to work out long-term. But even if you have a good feeling about things, it’s still healthy to have a backup plan in case you guys break up. Having separate bedrooms is a good way to ensure that if things go south, neither of you is placed in a position where you have to choose between sleeping on the couch or continuing to sleep in the same bed until you figure out if you’re going to continue living together.
It works well for different sleep schedules.
Sleeping together is tough when one person’s a night owl and the other likes to be in bed by 8:30 p.m. It sucks to get comfy and doze off and then be woken up by your partner crawling into bed after an unplanned Netflix binge or a late shift at work. When you sleep in separate rooms, this ceases to be a problem— both of you can go to sleep whenever you want without worrying about waking the other person up.
When you’re in the same bed, it feels like an adult sleepover.
Living together is fun, but it also forces you into a bit of a routine and cements the fact that your relationship is the real deal. The novelty of sleeping together every night and coming home to each other wears off after a while and before you know it, that excited feeling you used to get when you spent the night together simmers down into a feeling of normalcy. It’s comfortable, yes, but sleeping in different rooms helps keep the spark alive in your relationship. Now when you share a bed, it gives you that “new” feeling you used to get when you first started spending the night at each other’s houses.
You have a way to get a good night’s sleep.
Falling asleep in your partner’s arms is nice, but waking up when they start snoring or stealing the covers or switching positions is definitely not. Having separate bedrooms means that you can have sex and cuddle together to get your quality time in but then retreat to your own (quieter) bedroom when it’s time to pass out.
It can pull double duty as a guest room.
Having a spare room for when people come over is great but it seems kind of silly to spend hard-earned money on the extra space when you don’t use it most of the time. When you and your partner have separate rooms, there’s always a place for friends or family to spend the night, and you two can stay in the same room while you have company over.
It gives you somewhere to decompress after a fight.
Remember how nice it felt as a kid to be able to run up to your room and cry after you got into a fight with your siblings or parents? Getting that time alone in a place you can call your own can help you feel better after you get into an argument with someone you live with. Fights will happen when you live with your partner no matter how well you get along, and when they do, both of you will be thankful that you can disappear into your own separate rooms to get some space.
You can decorate and clean it exactly the way you want.
Having to sleep in a room with someone who has different standards of “clean” than you do is a challenge. If your boyfriend doesn’t mind having clothes all over his floor but you prefer everything spotless, having separate bedrooms is the ideal way to keep you from getting resentful over feeling you have to clean up after him. Plus, if both of you have different ideas of how you want to decorate, you can get as creative as you want without having to consult each other like you would if you shared a room.
You both can take up as much of the bed as you want.
Nobody likes waking up in the middle of the night because their partner has cuddled them to the edge of the bed… and nobody likes waking up to someone telling them to move over either. Sleeping in separate bedrooms means that the next big step in your relationship doesn’t have to mean sacrificing your habit of sleeping spread-eagle, so both of you can stay comfortable while you get your Zzzs.
It keeps unnecessary fights from brewing.
All of the aforementioned benefits that come with sleeping apart will prevent resentment from growing between you two. Even though it’s not your partner’s fault if they snore at night or move around a lot in their sleep, it can still make you cranky if you feel tired all day, every day because of them. Having separate rooms helps prevent both of you from snapping at each other after all the little things build up. Not all fights in a relationship can be prevented, but if you could create an easy way for you and your partner to get along better, why wouldn’t you?
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