Sometimes I feel as if I’m blocking myself off from love. I swipe left on what feels like a million people on my dating apps and I reject lots of others. This is because I have high standards and I won’t settle for anything less. While this means I’m single more often than I’d like, I’d rather have no love at all than the wrong kind.
I have a history of choosing the wrong people.
I had a long stream of wrong people in my love life. I chose people who weren’t good for me because I didn’t have much in the way of standards. I didn’t respect myself which meant I really let anyone in. As a result, I kept choosing people who weren’t a fit then wondering what the heck went wrong. I kept getting burned and I didn’t know why. Now I do.
Being burned too many times made me reevaluate my standards.
I would give someone a chance even though I was a little unsure of them and then I’d inevitably get burned. This is because the people I was letting in didn’t have to go through any standards. Like I said, I didn’t have many in the first place, so it was pretty bad. Now I actually think carefully before letting just anyone into my life.
I’m content with my high standards.
It takes a while to determine what it is that people want and don’t want. Building standards isn’t an overnight matter. Instead, it takes years or decades for many, and some people never do it at all. I’m happy with where my standards are at. Sure, they’re pretty high, but they keep me safe from what I don’t want and are a magnet for what I do need.
They weed out the wrong people.
The thing about having standards is that they do the work for me of weeding out incompatible people. All I have to do is set them up and stick to them, then the work is essentially done for me. The wrong people are taken right out of the mix. Either they find out what I expect of them and they run the other way or I tell them that they aren’t a match for me. Regardless, the wrong people aren’t in my life.
Having deal breakers is part of having high standards.
The reason why my standards weed out so many people is that I have hard deal breakers. There are certain things that I just won’t tolerate. For example, I won’t date someone who smokes weed and the person I date has to be a feminist. These are hard stops for me if they go against what I want and need. It’s just part of it all. I do my best not to break my own rules.
Sometimes I don’t always know what’s best for me.
My standards are a framework for making sure I get what I want and need from a relationship. Without them, I’m in ambiguity land. I’ve been there before. It’s full of disappointment and confusion and I try not to go back there. Without my standards, I don’t know what’s best. I’m left shooting in the dark. So, having them keeps me in line and keeps me safe.
Sometimes I’m tempted to throw my standards out.
Once in a while, I’ll meet someone I like a lot who has a deal breaker (or two). I’ll be faced with the decision to either compromise on my values or to stick to my guns and leave. I almost always choose the latter, but it isn’t easy! There are times when I want to just say screw my standards, I’m going to just see how it goes. Fortunately, I have half a brain not to do this.
I’m saving myself for the right kind of love.
Call me a hopeless romantic, but I believe there’s someone out there who can meet most of what I’m looking for without any deal breakers. That doesn’t seem like so much to ask for, huh? I’m saving myself for a person like that. I’m not settling or throwing it all out right now. I’m going to meet my prince or princess charming and it’s all going to be worth it.
I’m mostly okay with being alone in the meantime.
I say mostly because I’m a totally imperfect human being. Naturally, I still crave comfort and connection, but the difference is that I don’t let that deter me from my ultimate goal. I’m not settling for someone just because I’m lonely. No, I’m dealing with what it means to be single and I’m crossing my fingers that I’ll find my person.