A Nebraska man turned up to a recent Lincoln City Council meeting to demand that government officials change the name of boneless chicken wings. Ander Christensen, 27, took umbrage to restaurants playing fast and loose with the names of foods, insisting that it’s rendering dishes meaningless since nothing is what it claims to be. While you might think he was joking, he most certainly was not (well, not really).
- Christensen believes the issue has gotten “out of control.” As he approached the lectern, he told council members that there was no excuse for boneless chicken wings have that name and that it’s confusing the children of Lincoln and, indeed, the world. “We have been casually ignoring a problem that has gotten so out of control that our children are throwing around names and words without even understanding their true meaning, treating things as though they’re normal,” he explained.
- Go on, please… It took him a few minutes to get to his real grievance, which is the fact that boneless chicken wings aren’t wings at all. “I go into nice family restaurants, and I see people throwing this name around and pretending as though everything is just fine. I’m talking about boneless chicken wings. I propose that we as a city, remove the…” he began before laughter broke out in the room. After begging for attention again, he continued. “That we as a city remove the name boneless wings from our menus and from our hearts.”
- To be fair, he had a pretty solid argument. It seems incredibly petty and it is, but Christensen’s reasoning behind his idea was oddly solid. “Nothing about boneless chicken wings actually comes from the wing of a chicken. We would be disgusted if a butcher was mislabeling their cuts of meats, but then we go around pretending as though the breast of a chicken is its wing?” he pleaded. “Boneless chicken wings are just chicken tenders, which are already boneless. I don’t go to order boneless tacos. I don’t go and order boneless club sandwiches. It’s just what’s expected.”
- In the end, it’s all about the children. “Our children are raised being afraid of having bones attached to their meat,” he said. “That’s where meat comes from; it grows on bones. We need to teach them that the wing of a chicken is from a chicken, and it’s delicious.” Instead, he suggested the dish be renamed “Buffalo style chicken tenders” or something similar.
- Oh, he’s also the son of one of the city councilmen. His father, Roy Christensen, declared to the room at the end of his son’s speech that Ander is indeed his child. Why would he do that? Well…
- The speech was a joke… sort of. While Ander isn’t super passionate about the issue and knows it’s unlikely to change, he would actually be pretty happy for boneless chicken wings to not be a thing. “I would love nothing more than to have boneless chicken wings removed from menus,” he said in a later interview. “Don’t call it something it’s not.” And, according to Boston.com, the issue is being taken into account. Go figure!
