My Constant Need For Attention Makes It Hard To Be In A Committed Relationship

I’m obsessed with attention. Maybe it’s because I’m a Leo (yes, I believe in astrology) or maybe it’s just because I’m insecure and therefore always in need of positive vibes being thrown my way. Whatever the reason, I crave being noticed, discussed, and adored. I’ve tried to change myself, become a less “needy” person, but nothing’s worked. I just can’t seem to treat my obsession for attention, and that makes having a relationship hard. 

  1. I Expect Constant Communication. I expect a lot of attention. I expect to hear from my boyfriend from the time he wakes up in the morning to the time he goes to sleep. If we’re dating, we should be talking and our conversations shouldn’t be pointless. I want him to ask about my day and actually show an interest in my life. If the only thing he says to me every day is “good morning” and “good night,” we’re going to have a serious problem.
  2. I Need A Lot Of Adoration. Not to sound like that person but I live for compliments. I’m not the most confident person in the world, but I’m also not the least confident person in the world either—I’m somewhere in the middle. While I don’t need strangers to call me beautiful, I do need the person I’m dating to call me beautiful. And cute. And smart. And witty. 
  3. When I Don’t Get It, I Get Pissed Off. When I don’t get the attention I need, I get upset. I get really mad and incredibly disappointed in myself. I re-think the entire relationship and start wondering whether or not I’m really good enough. Because if I was good enough, wouldn’t he compliment me more?! I know this might not seem like a feminist way of thinking. I definitely ride with the girl power movement, but I still need the guy I’m dating to verbally compliment me.
  4. This Forces Me To Apply The Pressure. No one likes being the person who has to ask someone else to do something that should come naturally. I don’t take any kind of pleasure in saying, “Babe, can you compliment me more?” However, I also don’t want to be unhappy in a relationship, which is why I force myself to speak up. When I do, I instantly regret it. I don’t want my boyfriend to do something just because I begged. 
  5. If Nothing Changes I Get Quiet. If I speak up and tell the person I’m dating to give me more attention and they say they will but don’t, things will get dicey. I’m not going to keep saying the same things over and over. I’ve done that before in past relationships and it feels redundant. If he doesn’t give me the attention I need after I ask once, I’m not going to ask again. I mean, how many times do I really have to beg for compliments?!
  6. I also tend to lash out. I have this horrible habit of trying to bring people down to my level when I’m upset. My boyfriend’s not complimenting me? Well then, I’m not going to compliment him anymore. I’m not going to go out of my way to be nice to him, make time for him, and be the amazingly nice girlfriend I usually am. I know that’s selfish and messed up, but that’s how I play.
  7. I Look For Attention Elsewhere. I’ve never physically or emotionally cheated on someone before. What I have done is flirted a little too much and maybe talked a little too long than I should have with someone who was clearly a little too interested in me. Why? Because they were giving me attention when my boyfriend wasn’t.
  8. This Causes Me To Reconsider Everything. When I’m not getting attention, I start to wonder. I wonder what it would be like to be with someone who expressed their love for me non-stop. Someone who thought I was beautiful and actually cared if I knew it. I start to look at my relationship through a different lens and almost force myself to see my boyfriend in a different light. Instead of being this great guy, he becomes an a-hole that I need to cut all ties with.
  9. Then I Break Up With him. Because he’s now an a-hole, he’s someone I can’t be with. So, I break up with him, typically in a dramatic fashion. I scream and shout and tell him how he’s never, ever loved me or respected me because if he did he would have proved it. Now, alas, it’s too late to do anything. “He wasn’t the one for me,” I tell my friends when they ask why our relationship blew up in flames. And I say it until I believe it.
  10. Regretting Everything Shortly After. Once the relationship is over and I move on to someone I think will show me attention, I realize that the attention they’re giving me isn’t enough…and it all starts over again. It’s a vicious cycle but I just can’t help myself!
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.