I Need A Guy Who Understands He Comes Second To My Career

I’m a financially independent woman with a successful career. Why, then, do so many guys assume I’d drop everything just like that to make myself available for them? At some point in the future I might have to choose between family and career but for now, no man is going to come between me and my work, and I need a guy who gets that.

  1. I need him to accept that my career is just as important as his. I’m not a career bitch but I take my work seriously. If a relationship is going to work, I need someone who’ll accept that my job is as important as theirs. I need to know I can stay late when I need to and not be stressing about hurting his feelings. He can’t expect me to be rushing away from my desk to make his life easier.
  2. I haven’t studied hard to be a trophy wife. I’ve worked hard through college so I can have the best career possible—I want to do something with my life beyond getting married. I have my own talents to offer and a lot of ambition—throwing it all away to be with a high-earning man would feel like a waste of my skills.
  3. I’d hate not to pay my way. Just as I expect to be treated as equal in a relationship, no way would I expect a man to fund my life of luxury. I’d be humiliated to have to ask my husband for money whenever I want to buy something, and it would be so awkward not to pay my way. I’ll only be satisfied if I earn my own salary.
  4. I won’t be happy with a job that just pays the bills. That said, having a career is about so much more than the money. I couldn’t stand to spend all day every day in a place that didn’t inspire me. I’m an ambitious person and I want a career—that will always come before the needs of any guy I’m dating at the time.
  5. I’m going to be spending more time at work than we ever will together. Let’s face it, we’re a nation of workaholics, and wherever I work is going to be as big a part of my life as my relationship. Given how much time we spend at work, I have a right to feel fulfilled there. A happy 9-5 is even more important to me than a happy home life.
  6. It’s sexy when a guy’s prepared to take the back seat. So many guys think that women want them to get high paid jobs so they can lead a life of luxury while the man takes care of the house. Personally, I can’t imagine anything worse. It’s attractive in a man if he’s prepared to let me take the lead career-wise—it shows that he’s supportive and doesn’t feel the need to prove himself.
  7. If he wants dinner on the table when he gets home, he should look elsewhere. If it’s an obedient housewife he’s looking for, he’s got the wrong girl. Often, I’m so busy working that I forget to feed myself, never mind other people in my home. The right man for me will be capable of taking care of himself and will spend time with me because he wants to, not because he needs a second mom.
  8. I can have a second chance at love but I only have one shot to get a career right. In my experience, bosses are far more cutthroat than boyfriends. If things go wrong at work, there’s nothing to stop me being cut loose, with a terrible reference to boot. Boyfriends, on the other hand, are much more easily replaced. I need to focus now on getting the career side of my life right because there’ll be plenty of time to look for love later on.
  9. I need someone who’ll support me, not make me feel bad for working late. The right guy will understand and care about my career and encourage me to go for it with everything I’ve got. If I have to stay late, or if I’m preoccupied with work issues, he’ll sympathize. The last thing I need is someone who’ll add on stress at home by refusing to accept my other commitments.
  10. If I want kids, I have less time to build a career than my partner. Women are plagued by the fact that if we want kids, at some point we’re going to have to take a significant career break. With this in mind, any guy I’m with should be super sympathetic to my need to build a career now, knowing that I ultimately have less time than him to make an impression. Before I settle down, I want to have made a success of my career.
  11. I need someone who’ll encourage me to follow my dreams. Corny as it sounds, I want a partner who’ll be my cheerleader every step of the way in my career, not one who’ll try and guilt trip me into staying home. Our relationship can only work if he understands that, at least for now, he comes second to my career.
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.