Why Do I Need To Twist A Guy’s Arm Just To Get Him To Ask Me On a Proper Date

I don’t know how it is for you guys, but I’m finding that guys these days are holding back when it comes to making a move and actually asking me out. I’m not sure if it’s me or them, but what I do know is that I haven’t been asked on a date for what feels like a million years and I know I can’t be the only one.

  1. Maybe it’s the city I live in. I live in a big Canadian city, so it could be the cold weather or it could be the whole cold feeling you get from the people living in these concrete jungles. After five years of living here, I’ve only gotten asked out in person maybe 10 times. That’s kinda crazy, isn’t it? Am I alone on this? Maybe I’m just living in the wrong place.
  2. I feel like maybe I’m living in the wrong era. I’m pretty sure millennials are the least likely group to ask someone out due to our “screw it” attitude and our fear of commitment. Most of us are children of divorce (including myself), so it doesn’t help that so many of us have a permanently messed up relationship towards love. I guess it makes sense guys are afraid to ask me out considering most of them have been scarred.
  3. They’re distracted by their dating apps. When these guys are in front of potential love interests, are they simultaneously thinking about all the babes on their dating app, thus making the babes in front of them less important? Are our online dating worlds becoming more important to us than our actual dating world? I’m even guilty of it myself. I’ll totally open up my dating app even though I have a date later on “just in case” there’s someone better. Awful.
  4. They’re getting scared off by feminism. Feminism is the best thing to happen to this world and I’m so glad to be alive at a time when we are actually seeing women finally getting the respect from men that we deserve. I do find, though, that guys seem more hesitant to ask women out, perhaps due to potentially being seen as chauvanistic or anti-feminist. I think that as long as you treat the woman you’re talking to with the same kind of decency you would treat a man, there’s no problem with asking a girl out.
  5. They might not be picking up on my “friendly vibes.” I tend to have my head down or listening to music when I’m out. I’m not exactly glowing with love when I’m walking down the street, but it’s not like I have a permanent snarl on my face. Sigh. I guess I should put in more of an effort to act like I’m available in order for guys to know that I am…
  6. They rely too much on online dating. Seriously, I can’t remember the last time a guy asked me out in person. Although online dating can be incredibly shallow and unreliable, it’s given guys the comfort of asking a girl out without facing the rejection in person because that hurts way more than sending a message and then just not getting a reply. Getting asked out in person is so much better than through text, but it’s just not the kind of world we live in anymore.
  7. I get asked to “hang out” but never on a proper date. I hate it when a guy asks to “hang out” when we both know very well that it’s a date. One time a guy told me straight up that he was taking me on a date and it was totally hot. That’s the kinda upfront attitude I’m looking for. Unfortunately, it’s really hard to find nowadays.
  8. I could ask them out myself, but they always get weird about it. Hey, I’m all for women making the first move, but every time I try to do it, it just ends up weird. I can see why guys get so nervous about it, but I believe they should be the ones to do the asking. It’s a pretty fair trade-off for all the BS women have to deal with. Plus, it’s straight up scary to go up to a guy you like and potentially embarrass yourself in front of him. I’ll leave that to them… if they ever get around to it.
  9. I drop hints but they seem completely blind to them. Back in the day, a woman would “accidentally” drop her handkerchief in front of a boy she liked, giving him an excuse to pick it up, run after her and strike up a romantic conversation. At least that’s how I imagine it went. Unfortunately, I’m not very smooth with this kinda flirty stuff. If I dropped a handkerchief, it would probably fall into a sewer.
  10. Surprisingly, a lot of guys are super shy. I always just assume guys are shy when they don’t end up getting the nerve to ask me out. It could be clear as day that they like me and I like them, but they’d rather keep it in inconspicuous land rather than take a risk and ask me if I want to take this interaction to the next level. I wish they knew that it’s really not a big deal to ask me out—and if they do it in person, there’s a way better chance I’m gonna say yes.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada.