So, you’ve started seeing a man with a man bun. He might be cute, but he’s probably secretly the worst. This is what life is like with a man and his man bun:
He clogs the drain. Have you ever had to pull your hair out of the shower drain? It’s really gross—and that’s your own hair. Now imagine scooping your boyfriend’s hair out of the drain on top of it. No thanks. Oh, and don’t expect him to do it—he’ll likely blame you for the clog because “his hair doesn’t fall out.” Yeah, okay.
He steals your hair bands. I probably own thousands upon thousands of bobby pins and hair bands. And yet, on any given day, it’s a struggle to find just one. When I finally find a hair band and stand in front of the mirror preparing to create my own messy bun, I hear, “Hey, can I use that?” That’s right. But he won’t buy his own hair bands—ever. For some reason, having a man bun is fine but buying hair bands for said man bun is unthinkable.
He hogs the mirror. Betcha didn’t think your man bunning boyfriend was high maintenance. Well, he is—and you may be surprised to hear this but he’s probably going to spend more time doing his hair than you. If you date him long enough, he’ll start asking you what you think of his hair and he’ll take bathroom breaks just to check on it. The man bun will become a third person in your relationship.
Spooning is a hairy nightmare. I’m usually the small spoon but I do enjoy being the big spoon at times—or I used to enjoy it. If you try to spoon a guy with an abnormal amount of hair on his head, you’re bound to get a face full of that hair. It’s not pleasant.
His hair looks better than yours. I’ve dyed my hair more times than I can count. I’ve gone from dark to blonde and back again. I’m sure I’ve done irreparable damage to my hair in the process. However, Mr. Man Bun has never so much as blow-dried his virgin hair. It’s shiny, it’s healthy, and it puts mine to shame. What’s worse, you won’t be the only one to notice this. Everyone will start comparing your hair to his and guess what? Yours never wins.
Girls will want to touch his hair. I get it—it looks soft and it’s even softer than it looks, which is saying something. Still, some girls are just flat out obsessed with long guy hair and touching his hair will probably lead to giggling. Prepare to roll your eyes an awful lot. It gets old.
You’ll inevitably end up matching. I love putting my hair in a bun when I work out… and then I realize we have the same. exact. hair. I’m not into having a male twin. If you have friends anything like mine, they’ll love taking pictures of such occasions.
He’ll be considered a hipster (even if he’s not). The “hipster” label has gotten a bit out of control. If you drink coffee, you’re a hipster. If you have rims on your glasses, you’re a hipster. If you do, say, or wear anything remotely resembling something a hipster once worse, you get the label. Obviously, not every guy with long hair is a hipster—some of us just have bad eyes and long hair.
He’ll ask you to do his hair and it’ll be weird. We ladies have more experience doing hair. We’ve been taming our manes ever since we were little. Your man bun boyfriend will expect you to help him with his hair from time to time, and it’s really weird. He’ll have an opinion on how he thinks it should look and it’ll probably become a point of contention. Eventually, your default response will become, “Do your own hair.”
Your parents will have concerns. Guys with long hair scare parents. Not all parents, sure, but many would be alarmed. “I don’t get it,” your mom will say. “When’s he going to cut his hair?” asks your dad. At first, it might make you laugh but the thousandth time they question his hair, you’ll be ready to buzz it yourself.
He’ll look weird with his hair down. This is the worst part of dating a guy with a man bun. When he lets his hair down (as he often will), he won’t look like the same person—especially from the back! When you guys lock lips for the first time with his hair in his face, you might just feel like you’re making out with a lady—a very manly lady, but a lady nonetheless.
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