I Never Seem To Get Along With Moms And It Makes My Relationships Weird

When I’m dating a guy, I inevitably have friction with his mom. I do my best, but whether or not they realize it, every single one of them drives me crazy. I don’t know if it’s me or them, but I do know that it creates issues within my romantic relationships.

  1. I don’t have a connection with my own mom so I don’t know how to relate to them. I’ve been estranged from my mother since I was a teenager, so I’ve never had that relationship as an adult. I don’t understand why moms are so domineering and can’t just butt out sometimes. I don’t know how to behave normally with a guy’s mother because I haven’t spent much time with my own, so the struggle is real.
  2. I don’t get the mother-son dynamic. Frankly, it creeps me out. This is especially true of single moms and their sons. There’s a weird closeness that often borders on inappropriate. I’ve definitely had to restrain myself from making Norman Bates jokes. It’s not my business, of course, but I also don’t like being around it.
  3. I always feel like my boyfriends’ moms resent me. This is another reason the mother-son relationship weirds me out—it’s like instead of being happy that her son has a good woman in his life, every mom I encounter seems pissed that he’s not giving her all his attention anymore. Cut the cord, seriously. These are grown men.
  4. I don’t understand when they make it a competition. This is my least favorite thing— the moms who keep score on whether their sons spend more time with me or them, pay more attention to me or them, confide more in me or them… the list goes on and on. It’s stupid and exhausting. Aren’t they supposed to be adults?
  5. I’m super at ease with dads, which makes it even more awkward. If the guy I’m seeing has two parents who are still married, I usually get along great with his father. This makes everything worse with the mom because she feels threatened by it, like I’m going to steal her husband away or something. Ugh.
  6. I’m not good at holding my tongue with my boyfriends when it comes to their mothers. It’s like every guy I date is convinced that his mother can do no wrong. I get it—I wouldn’t like a guy criticizing my family either, but I’d at least hear him out. No one is perfect and I need a guy who can handle my honest feelings about his mom.
  7. I’m not going to sit down meekly if she’s being ridiculous. I’ll always be tolerant and polite, but I still have limits. The fact that she’s my boyfriend’s parent doesn’t give her a total free pass. I’m going to stand my ground and speak up for myself and my beliefs when the occasion calls for it.
  8. I’m pretty outspoken if I think a guy and his mom are dysfunctional. Our parents all screw us up. They can’t help it—it’s the way of the world. That being said, I think it’s great if a guy is close with his parents, but if there’s weirdness, I will call it out. I want to be honest with my partner and help him grow—I hope he’d do the same for me.
  9. I’m not girly and most moms don’t get it. I’ve never been into girly stuff. That’s just not who I am. I suppose when I’m finally with the right guy, his mom will understand that about me, but as of now, that’s never happened. We always have trouble connecting about anything and it sucks.
  10. I don’t have any interest in doing everything with a guy’s family. I find a lot of moms overbearing in the sense that they want their families together for every little thing all the time. That’s definitely not my style. I like to do my own thing. I’m perfectly happy letting a guy go hang with his folks, but I don’t want to have to be there. Moms don’t like that about me at all.
  11. I like to keep things low-key and dramatic moms make me crazy. I’m not the kind of person who enjoys drama in my life—the less of it there is, the better. Every one of my boyfriends has had a mother with anxiety and self-esteem issues and it made me nuts. I’ve mellowed out and I don’t understand why they still haven’t realized how to chill.
  12. I hate that I shouldn’t say anything because it’s not my mom. Look, I get it. Men are protective of their families, especially their mothers. That’s not news to me. I know that I need to be respectful and watch my boundaries, but everyone has a breaking point.
  13. It sucks that none of the guys I date will never stand up to their moms. This is the problem—when they’re being protective, they always pick her over me. I don’t want it to be a competition but I’m not going to stay with a doormat who does everything his mom says without question.
  14. It inevitably causes fights between me and the boyfriend when I speak up. I try not to make waves, but if there’s a problem, I will broach the subject and I expect the guy to discuss it with me like an adult. If he shuts me down and gets defensive, we have an issue… and that happens more often than not.
  15. I’m worried that I’ll never find a guy who has a cool mom that I like. I did date one guy for a short period of time who had a cool mother, but I didn’t spend enough time with her to know for sure. I’m hoping someday I’ll find the right man for me and vibe with his mom also.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.